2 Kingdoms (2 Samuel) 12:23Meaning & Commentary from the Church Fathers

Why do we imitate the behaviors of the pagans, wailing wildly, rending our garments as if in a frenzy, exposing our chests, singing hollow lamentations, and surrounding the body and grave with empty cries? What purpose does dressing in black serve, if not to display our sorrow and signify our disbelief and misery? Such behaviors must be foreign to us, they are not fitting; and even if they were, they would still lack decency. Yet, some of our brothers and sisters, despite their faith and adherence to the Lord's commands, become burdened by the expectations of relatives and friends, fearing they will be deemed heartless and unfeeling if they do not alter their attire or succumb to excessive weeping. How foolish and inappropriate it is to be swayed by the opinions of those who are misguided, rather than to be concerned about protecting one's own faith! Why should someone in such straits not cultivate patience? Why should the doubter not learn faith from me? Even if there were genuine sorrow in the heart, it should be tempered with the discretion of silence instead of being expressed through frivolous outbursts.

King David deeply cherished the young man and mourned in sackcloth and ashes during his illness. Yet he sought neither diviners nor necromancers, as indicated by Saul's actions; instead, he turned his prayers to God. You too should follow this righteous example; you should speak the same words when your child passes: “I will go to him, and he will not return to me.” This reflects the essence of virtue and the obligation of love! Regardless of how much you cherish your child, your love does not match his, even though the child was a product of an adulterous union. Blessed David held a profound love for his mother, and the love parents share naturally extends to their children. His affection for the boy was such that despite negative comments made about him, he wished for the child's life to continue. Nevertheless, he expressed gratitude to God.

His servants found this behavior bewildering, and he clarified that while the child was alive, he had fasted and wept with righteous hope for divine mercy, firmly believing in God’s power to restore life. Now that the child had departed, fasting held no purpose, for he could not resurrect him. "I shall one day go to him, but he will not return to me," he stated. In this, we find great comfort for the sufferer, the profound wisdom of the discerning individual, and the remarkable patience of a servant. No one can rightly accuse him of misfortune or argue that his trials are disproportionate to his virtue. Who are you to proclaim your own merit ahead of time? Why seek to preempt your Judge or seize judgment from Him who rightfully administers it?

In his lamentation, David wept for his son during his illness but refrained from grief at his death. His tears surged from a desire to keep his son with him, and they ceased when he understood that the child rested with Christ. To illustrate this truth, David also mourned for Amnon, who had dishonored his sister, upon his slaying, and he grieved for Absalom, the slayer of his brother, expressing, "My son Absalom, my son, my son Absalom! Would that I had died in your place, my son!" (2 Sam. 18:33). He felt no need to grieve for the innocent child, recognizing that others perished for their wrongdoings, while this child would thrive due to his purity. Therefore, there is no cause for excessive mourning for your brother; he was born human and subjected to mortal frailty.

Today we exist, and tomorrow we cease to be; today we bask in glory, and tomorrow we lie in shameful graves; today we are honored with incense, and tomorrow we face decay; today we celebrate, and tomorrow we are mourned to the grave. All is vanity in the life of man: it wilts like a blossom, vanishing like an alluring dream. Whatever earthly magnificence appears enduring—death erases it in an instant. Oh, the anguish of the soul as it separates from the body, gazing upon God's messenger and beseeching him to liberate it from the grasp of the infernal adversary, reaching out to loved ones, fully aware of its impending end. At this moment, neither father to son, nor mother to daughter, nor brother to brother can provide aid. The soul looks upon all with affection, knowing it will return to dust. Human existence is like smoke; it appears briefly as vapor, ashes, and dust before quickly dissipating. Where is the glory that fades today? Where are the riches of gold and silver that offer no assistance? Where are the swords and well-groomed steeds? There is nothing truly beautiful or good in this life; on the day of death, everything is rendered contemptible and dishonorable, perishable and worthless, for one cannot trade possessions for one's soul when it departs from the body. This is indeed a grave mystery for all who bear witness to the soul's release with tears, as the body is sealed and laid to rest in the earth. The departed lies in the coffin, lifeless, darkened, decayed, and destroyed by death, exuding a foul stench. Understand, beloved, that the might of the body and the allure of the face are of no value, for these things are fleeting and eventually become repulsive. The glory of earthly treasures vanishes rapidly, and hope dissipates like smoke; the visage fades, eyes grow dim, ears turn deaf, lips close, hands and feet weaken, and we surrender ourselves to the grave. Truly, the futility of man! Let us bear all this with gratitude, for all comes from God. For the righteous, death is a respite; let us not regard as lost those who return to God, for the just God, observing their righteous deeds, will grant them rest in truth. But let us consider as lost those who have not been illuminated by holy baptism, who live in falsehood on earth, devoid of truth, engaging in wickedness, accumulating sins within themselves; they are indeed lost.