John Chrysostom
“Lord, heal me, for my bones tremble; my soul is exceedingly troubled.” In the process of healing, multiple elements converge: the physician, the art of healing, the patient, the ailment, and the efficacy of medicines. These elements often encounter resistance and conflict. If the patient collaborates with the physician, the healing arts, and the medicines, the illness can be overcome. Conversely, if the patient fails to engage, the affliction will only be exacerbated; or, in a moment of weakness, if he chooses to act against the physician, medicines, and healing arts, he may lead himself to ruin. This situation mirrors our own human experience—yet it is even more profound.
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Many times, despite the patient’s cooperation with the diagnosis, treatment, and medicine, the healing does not succeed. When nature falters, human skill can falter as well, and the effectiveness of remedies can vanish for reasons beyond our understanding. However, with God, the scenario is different. If one works in harmony with the Divine Physician, every wound will surely be mended. Here, it is not merely human skill that might falter, but divine power that triumphs over both the natural and spiritual ailments, as well as any vice or evil. Thus, the prophet, in seeking God's healing, cries out, “heal me, O Lord, for my bones tremble.” Some interpret his words as a lamentation over the turmoil wrought by sin; for just as turbulent winds disturb the sea, causing the depths to churn and jeopardizing sailors, so too does our soul become disquieted, our body shaken, and chaos overwhelms us. This disorder escalates during moments of wicked desires, anger, or misfortune. Such turmoil stirs both our soul and our bones, distorting our vision and leading our eyes to wander in confusion. Much like horses turned wild when their driver is distracted, we too find that when our minds are unsettled, chaos ensues, resulting in all things becoming disordered. Importantly, we must recognize that this confusion within the soul is not born of unexpected storms but stems from our own negligence. Indeed, we are the architects of our internal struggles. Just as a fire cannot ignite in a furnace unless fuel is added, so too will sin not erupt unless we seek out temptations; it will not blaze forth unless we expose ourselves to base desires or sinful spectacles. If we refrain from indulging the flesh or drowning our senses in excess, the flames will not flare, nor will chaos ensue, preventing the purity of our souls from being compromised. However, avoiding sin requires more than mere abstention; it necessitates a commitment to prayer, communion with the saints, appropriate fasting, continuous self-discipline, and above all, a reverent fear of God, wisdom in the face of impending judgment, awareness of consequences for sin, and hope in the blessings promised by Him. By embracing these practices, we may suppress the raging desires and calm the turbulent waters of our souls. “But you, O Lord, how long? Turn, O Lord, deliver my soul; save me for Thy mercy's sake.” The prophet repeatedly implores, using “Lord” as a plea for divine kindness and mercy. Indeed, our greatest hope lies in His boundless compassion, for He readily grants grace and kindness. The word “until” reveals a heart that isn't embittered or resentful but one that mourns and suffers under temptation’s weight.
“I see the enemy drawing near; he hastens to seize me and to shorten my days.” “And my soul is severely troubled.” I perceive the arduous journey from this life to the next, devoid of provisions for the voyage ahead. “And my soul is greatly troubled.” I see an adversary who threatens to ensnare me. “And my soul is exceedingly troubled.” I glimpse the accuser presenting the record of my transgressions, while the imprisoned gnash their teeth. “And my soul is in deep turmoil.” I observe numerous accusers surrounding me, without a single ally for defense. “And my soul is profoundly troubled.” I am filled with dread and uncertainty, trembling without knowing which way to turn. Should I plead for more time? Yet I fear that I may only accumulate further sins on top of the old. How will I face the Judge? I am engulfed in despair, acutely aware of my dire situation. The tempter relentlessly pursues me; the turmoil of my flesh continually confounds me; my adversaries remain steadfast in their onslaught; my wicked thoughts show no sign of quiet. “And you, O Lord, how long until You aid me?” Why is there silence? Why is there no response? Driven to the brink of despair, the prophet longs to voice something audacious and irreverent towards God, and thus he asks, “And You, O Lord, how long?” Indeed, do You not see, Lord, the depths of my despair? Do You not recognize the assaults against me, the might of my foes, the flames of my troubles, the barrage of unsettling thoughts, the fleeting nature of time, and my utter exhaustion? How long, O Lord, will You withhold compassion? How long will You fail to protect me? How long will You overlook my plight? How long have You remained patient? How long have You not delivered me? How long will You not show mercy? For while I acknowledge my utter unworthiness, I cling to the hope of Your forgiveness through Your mercy.