Genesis 24:4Meaning & Commentary from the Church Fathers

The patriarch's actions stemmed from a desire for the spiritual integrity of his family and a distaste for the vices prevalent among the local people. Today, however, many seem uninterested in such considerations. Instead, even if a woman possesses numerous faults, the focus often lies solely on wealth, with little regard for other qualities. They fail to recognize that when the heart is tainted, even vast riches can lead to despair and that without an upright soul, wealth loses its purpose. Hence, the patriarch provided detailed instructions and bound his servant with an oath.

It is essential to choose a wife for one reason: to avoid sin and to flee from all immorality. Marriage is necessary to support a life of chastity; this can only happen if we choose partners who embody great purity and modesty. Physical allure, divorced from moral virtue, may captivate a husband briefly, but once the true nature of the wife is revealed, it can extinguish love. In contrast, those who radiate inner beauty strengthen affection over time, deepening love through the discovery of their noble qualities. When there exists sincere and fervent friendship, immorality is excluded, and the thought of lust does not enter the mind of a husband devoted to his wife. This fidelity secures God's favor and protection over the entire household. Thus, virtuous husbands of old selected their wives based on the nobility of character rather than material wealth. To illustrate this, let us consider the marriage of Abraham. “Abraham was already old and in advanced years… And Abraham said unto his servant, the elder of his house, who governed all that he had, Put thine hand under my thigh, and swear unto me by the Lord, the God of heaven and the God of earth, that thou shalt not take a wife for my son Isaac of the daughters of the Canaanites, among whom I dwell, but thou shalt go to my country and to my kindred, and take a wife unto my son Isaac.” Observe the righteousness of this man and his care for marriage. He did not hire brothel keepers, matchmakers, or gossiping old women but turned to his servant, whom he trusted with this significant task. This demonstrates the patriarch's piety in having prepared a servant who was worthy of such responsibility. He was not seeking a woman for her wealth or beauty but rather for her noble character, which is why he sent his servant on such a long journey.

The foundation of marriage is rooted in the grace of purity. If she worships idols that promote unfaithfulness and denies Christ, who embodies the spirit of purity, how can she value modesty? Even if your wife identifies as a Christian, it is insufficient if you both have not partaken in the sacrament of Baptism. Together, you must pray and approach God with a unified heart.

Another aspect of purity is the belief that your spouse is a blessing from God. As Solomon wisely declared, "A wife is prepared by God" (Proverbs 19:14). Those of differing faith cannot fully embrace this; a man cannot accept that the grace of marriage comes from the God he does not revere. Reason offers guidance, yet examples carry profound weight. The allure of women can lead even devout men into temptation and away from their faith. Prioritize love but tread carefully against deception. The foremost requirement in marriage is to honor God. This is why Abraham sought a wife for his son from among his own people. Likewise, you should seek a neighbor. A neighbor is defined as one who shows mercy (Luke 10:37). This is the teaching of the Lord Jesus in the Gospel. Seek a neighbor among the descendants of Abraham and maintain that connection. The seed of Abraham is Christ, who is the neighbor to all, extending mercy to everyone and bearing the sins of the world. Consider what to look for in a wife: Abraham valued not riches or possessions but rather the grace of a virtuous character.

The Scriptures highlight Abraham's deep concern regarding Isaac's choice of a spouse, serving as a reminder for Christian parents who feel a profound apprehension over decisions that affect their children's futures. This concern is paramount; they find themselves uneasy until the matter is resolved. Just as a prospective homebuyer thoroughly investigates the property rather than relying solely on the seller's assurances, so too should one approach marriage with serious deliberation. For those of you embarking on this sacred union, remember that your commitment to a wife is for a lifetime. Reflect on the weight of what the Apostle Paul teaches in Ephesians (ch. 5) concerning the significance of marriage and the responsibilities of partners; seek counsel from wise and trustworthy individuals whose insights you hold in high regard.