Genesis 29:21Meaning & Commentary from the Church Fathers

In the evening, he brought Leah, his daughter, to Jacob.” Notice the decorum with which marriages were conducted in earlier times. Pay heed, those who indulge in the distractions of the devil and who have, from the onset, tarnished the purity of marriage: did they employ whistles, cymbals, or engage in profane dances back then? I ask, what compels you to usher such disgrace into your homes, summoning revelers and performers? To tarnish a woman’s virtue with hasty decadence and to lead a young man to greater shame? Indeed, it is hard for this generation to withstand the turbulent forces of desire without such indulgences. When temptations through sight and sound fuel this fire and escalate desires, how can a youthful heart avoid being ensnared? This is why we witness such ruin and corruption, with purity compromised from the onset of cohabitation; often, from the very first day, a young man, gazing unwisely at a maiden, finds himself pierced by the devil's arrow, while the maiden, through her hearing and seeing, becomes captivated by passions. Consequently, wounds increase, spawning further evils. First, the unity of the couple is compromised, and their love diminishes. If a husband’s heart strays to another, then his soul is divided, allowing the devil to fill their home with sorrow. Should the wife fall prey to the same vice, everything becomes unsettled: suspicions arise, and what should foster unity instead breeds discord, as two who are meant to be ‘one flesh’ (Matthew 19:5) drift towards estrangement, as if already separated. The devil takes hold, creating turmoil where daily strife prevails, bringing no respite from struggles. What can we say of the scorn from their servants, the mocking of neighbors, and their evident disgrace? Just as if captains quarrel on a ship, leading to peril for all aboard, so too, if a couple is at odds, their household suffers profoundly. Hence, I implore you to see the long-term consequences of these practices and refrain from following them. I recognize that many may dismiss our words, clinging to traditions; nevertheless, we must speak truthfully for the sake of what can avert future tribulations. Where harm to the soul is evident, why do you point to customs as justification? I present to you a far better tradition, one that was observed in ancient times when men held a different sense of piety. Do not mistake my reference to Jacob as a paragon; instead, consider how Laban, even as an idolater, displayed wisdom in giving his daughter in marriage. St. Chrysostom’s point here is that the merit of Jacob’s union with Leah derived not from the groom but rather from the father who bestowed her. Are we not foolish to be worse off than Laban, given our abundant blessings from God, graced with profound mysteries? Have you forgotten Paul’s teaching that marriage is a sacred covenant—reflecting the love Christ has for the Church (Ephesians 5:32)? Let us guard our honor; let us uphold the sanctity of matrimony. If an innovation is beneficial, let it be embraced even if it deviates from tradition; but if actions are detrimental, even if customary, they must be rejected. For if we permit wrongdoing under the guise of tradition, then wrongdoers will justify their actions likewise, leading to their condemnation for failing to resist a pernicious custom. If we desire to be vigilant in safeguarding our salvation, let us abandon bad practices for better ones, providing our descendants with a model worthy of emulation, for which we shall receive rewards for their virtuous behavior. The one who initiates an upright path bears responsibility for those who follow suit, thus receiving double rewards—for their own deeds and for guiding others toward righteousness. Do not utter empty words claiming such customs are lawful. The legality of marriage is not defined by customary practices, but rather by adherence to God’s laws in a pure and honorable union of hearts. Even secular laws interpret it this way; those who study them will attest that marriage embodies intimacy and affection. Let us not deviate from divine commands alongside civil regulations, nor choose to uphold harmful customs that serve the purposes of evil. What could be more ludicrous than a couple subjecting themselves to indecent remarks and ridicule from their servants on such a significant occasion, with no one to intervene? If levity arises at other times, offenders face punitive measures; yet, on this day—where reverence should prevail—propriety is abandoned, giving rise to shamelessness, leaving you to wonder whether the devil holds sway over such events. But do not be disheartened, for I enter this discourse earnestly, concerned for your salvation and moral integrity, wishing that you might initiate a transformation for the better. This initial change will illuminate the path, inspiring others to follow suit, ultimately garnering collective praise for your efforts. Not only will the residents of this city take note of your commendable change, but those beyond will be inspired by your example and strive to emulate you, leading you to receive divine accolades for renouncing such diabolical customs in reverence to God and His commandments. I am confident you will embrace this counsel and act accordingly. I can see the eagerness in your response to my words, and your appreciation assures me that reform shall be forthcoming. Content with what has been conveyed, I now resume my previous discourse.