THEOSISJohn Chrysostom
Do you see Paul's prudence? He both shows the excellence of continence and does not compel the one who cannot be continent, fearing that a fall may occur.
"For it is better to marry than to burn." He shows how great the power of desire is. The meaning of his words is this: if you feel strong inclination and burning, free yourself from toil and exhaustion, lest you become corrupt.
[...] Having said, "I wish that all men were as I myself am," that is, in continence, he says again, "But I say to the unmarried and to the widows, it is good for them if they remain as I am" (1 Cor 7:7-8).
Again he presents himself as an example for the same reason, so that, having an example nearby and among themselves, the Corinthians would more readily resolve upon the labors of virginity.
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Do not wonder that both above, in the words, "I wish that all were as I myself am," and here, "It is good for them if they remain as I am," he nowhere gives the reason.
He does this not from vainglory, but because he considers his own judgment, justified by his deeds, to be a sufficient reason.
If someone wishes to hear judgments also about this, the marriage of widowed persons, let him first consider the opinion of all people about it. Then let him consider everything connected with the matter.
Although legislators do not punish such marriages, and even permit and excuse them, many people at home and in the marketplace speak much about these marriages with mockery, reproach, and disgust.
Everyone avoids such people almost as they avoid perjurers, so to speak. They do not dare enter friendship with them, make agreements with them, or trust them in anything else.
When someone sees that they so easily erased from their souls such habit, friendship, cohabitation, and communion, he becomes somewhat numb from these thoughts.
He can no longer approach them with complete sincerity, regarding them as frivolous and changeable people.
People are repelled by them not only for this reason, but also because of the unpleasantness of what happens among them.
Tell me, what could be more unbearable than this? After great mourning, cries, tears, disheveled hair, and black clothing, one suddenly sees applause, bridal chambers, and commotion, everything opposite to what came before.
It is as though actors on a stage were playing first one role, then another. There you can see one and the same man now as a king, now as the poorest beggar.
So here, the man who recently lay beside the grave suddenly becomes a bridegroom. The man who tore his hair again wears a crown on that same head.
The man who, with downcast and sorrowful gaze, often with tears, spoke many praises of the departed wife to those who consoled him, and said that life was no life for him, and was angry with those who restrained him from lamentation, often before the very same people again adorns and dresses himself.
As before he looked at the same people with tears in his eyes, so now he looks at them with a smile. He greets everyone affectionately with the same mouth with which he had previously cursed all such joys.
What is most grievous, together with this come quarrels among the children. Beside the daughters a lioness appears, for such a stepmother usually is.
From this come daily disputes and quarrels. From this comes a strange and utterly unreasonable hostility toward one who no longer troubles anyone.
Usually the living persecute and are persecuted by envy, while even enemies are reconciled with the dead. But here it is not so.
Dust and ashes become the object of hostility. Unspeakable hatred is directed against the one buried. There are slanders, reproaches, and calumnies against her who has dissolved in the earth.
There is implacable enmity toward one who causes no grief to anyone. What could be worse than such senselessness, such cruelty?
A woman in no way wronged by the dead woman, or rather, why do I say not wronged? A woman who uses her labors and enjoys her goods, does not cease warring against her shadow.
The dead woman has caused her no grief, and often she never even saw her. Yet daily she showers her with many reproaches, avenges herself upon one who no longer exists through her children, and often arms the husband against them, if she herself does not succeed.
And yet all this seems easy and bearable to people, if only they have no need to endure the pull of desire.
But the virgin does not fear this opposition. She does not flee this struggle, which seems so unbearable to many, but stands nobly and enters the struggle with nature.
Can one admire her according to her worth, when others need even a second marriage in order not to be inflamed, while she, having known not even one, always remains holy and unharmed?
Therefore, first of all, in view of the rewards prepared in heaven for widowhood, the apostle, having Christ speaking in himself, said, "It is good for them if they remain as I am."
You could not ascend to the very highest degree of perfection? At least do not fall from the degree that comes after it.
Let the virgin have over you only this advantage, that desire never once overcame her. As for you, though it conquered you before, it could not keep you forever in its power.
After defeat, you too have conquered. She has a victory clean of every defeat. Touching you at the end, she surpasses you only in the beginning.
Thus to those who have entered marriage, the apostle offers many consolations. He does not deprive them of one another without their mutual consent.
He does not extend this deprivation by agreement for a long time. He also permits them a second marriage, if they wish, so that they may not burn.
But to those living in virginity he offered no similar consolation. After such abstinence, he releases the married from it again.
But the virgin, without the slightest relief, he leaves to struggle throughout life, to stand unbending, and to be troubled by desires. He does not give her even the least rest.
Why did he not say to her also, "If she cannot exercise self-control, let her marry" (1 Cor 7:9)? Because no one would say to a wrestler, once he has already stripped, anointed himself, entered the arena, and been covered with dust, "Get up and flee from your opponent."
Each must now come out either crowned, or fallen and put to shame.
In a children's game and in a gymnasium, where people practice with acquaintances and wrestle with friends as if with enemies, each has authority either to compete or not to compete.
But when someone has already bound himself, and the theater has gathered, and the director of the contest has appeared, and the spectators have taken their seats, and the rival has been brought out and set opposite him, then the law of the contest takes authority away from the wrestler.
So it is with the virgin. As long as she has not yet decided whether to marry or not to marry, marriage is permitted without hindrance.
But when she has chosen and dedicated herself to virginity, then she has already brought herself out into the arena.
Who would dare, when the spectacle has opened, when the angels look down from above and Christ the giver of the contest presides, when the devil rages and gnashes his teeth, stands in view, and rushes into the struggle, to step into the middle and say: "Flee from the enemy. Leave the labors. Refrain from the encounter. Do not throw down or overcome your opponent, but yield him the victory"?
Why do I speak of virgins? No one would dare say such words even to widows. Instead he would say those fearful words: "When they grow wanton against Christ, they desire to marry, having condemnation because they have rejected their first faith" (1 Tim 5:11-12).
Meanwhile the apostle himself says, "I say to the unmarried and to the widows, it is good for them if they remain as I am. But if they cannot exercise self-control, let them marry."
Again he says, "If her husband dies, she is free to marry whom she wishes, only in the Lord" (1 Cor 7:8-9, 39). Why then does he again subject to punishment the woman to whom he gives freedom?
Why does he condemn as lawless the marriage of which he says that it takes place "in the Lord"? Do not be troubled. It is not the same marriage, but another.
When he says, "If a virgin marries, she has not sinned" (1 Cor 7:28), he is not speaking about the virgin who has renounced marriage.
It is plain to everyone that such a virgin would sin by this, and with a grave sin. Rather, he speaks of the one who has not yet experienced marriage and has not decided for either side, but wavers between these two thoughts.
So there too he speaks of a widow who simply has no husband and has not yet bound herself by a decision of her own will, but is free to choose either course.
But elsewhere he speaks of the one who no longer has authority to be joined again to another bridegroom, because she has entered upon the labors of continence.
For it is possible to be a widow and not be in the rank of those who have the dignity of widows, if she has not yet received it.
Therefore he says, "Let a widow be enrolled if she is not less than sixty years old, having been the wife of one husband" (1 Tim 5:9).
He permits the ordinary widow to enter marriage if she wishes. But he strongly condemns the woman who has given God a vow of perpetual widowhood and then enters marriage, because she has trampled the covenant with God.
Thus to the first, and not to the last, he says, "But if they cannot exercise self-control, let them marry, for it is better to marry than to burn" (1 Cor 7:9).
Do you see that marriage itself is nowhere glorified by him, but is permitted to avoid adultery, temptations, and lack of restraint?
He says all this above. Here, after uttering strong reproaches against them, he again speaks of the same thing in more favorable expressions, calling their condition burning and inflammation.
Yet even here he did not leave the hearer without reproach. He did not say, "If they feel some impulse of passion, if they are compelled, if they cannot abstain," or anything of that sort, which belongs to sufferers and deserves condescension.
What then does he say? "If they cannot exercise self-control," which belongs to those who do not wish to act because of carelessness.
He shows that they do not perform the work that lies within their power because they do not wish to labor.
Nevertheless, even in this he does not punish them or condemn them to torment. He only deprives them of praises and limits his displeasure to verbal reproofs.
Nowhere does he mention childbearing, that plausible and honorable reason for marriage. He speaks only of burning, lack of restraint, adultery, and satanic temptation, and permits marriage to avoid these.
What then, some will say? If he delivers us from punishment, we will cheerfully endure every condemnation and every reproach, if only we are allowed to enjoy and continually satisfy desire.
But what, most honorable one, if enjoyment is not allowed, and we reap only reproach?
How, you say, is enjoyment not allowed when Paul says, "If they cannot exercise self-control, let them marry"? But listen to what follows.
You have learned that it is better to marry than to burn. You accept what is pleasant, approve the permission, and marvel at the apostle's condescension.
But do not stop there. Accept also what follows. Both commandments belong to one and the same apostle.
What does he say after this? "Now to the married I command, not I but the Lord, that the wife not separate from her husband. But if she does separate, let her remain unmarried or be reconciled to her husband. And the husband must not put away his wife" (1 Cor 7:10-11).