The husband does not doubt that his wife is his, devoted to him, and that he possesses her, until he notices some disobedience, inattention, or disrespect from her. The wife does not doubt that her husband is hers, devoted to her, and that she possesses him, until he shows some coldness and lack of love toward her.
Whatever the husband commands, she will gladly fulfill it out of love for him and from confidence in his love for her. But as soon as some trait of lack of love toward her appears in the husband, her hands fall. Things will no longer proceed as they usually did.
Forestalling these essential causes of discord between husband and wife, the Apostle especially urges obedience upon the wife and love upon the husband. A wife, loving her husband and confident in his love, may sometimes forget herself and allow herself something more than is proper toward him.
Such a thing will appear as disobedience. A husband, conscious of his advantage and authority, may sometimes behave toward his wife in such a way that this naturally appears to her as lack of love. The feelings of wife toward husband and of husband toward wife are very tender.
The Apostle therefore gives warning: take care not to disturb the peace. You, wife, do not forget obedience, and strive especially to act in its spirit. You, husband, do not forget love, and strive especially to maintain and show it toward your wife.
Peace and harmony will never depart from you, and with them family well-being will remain. The Apostle prescribes to wives the kind of obedience that is proper for them to have as Christian women. Such obedience will be in the Lord, that is, either for the Lord, or in His spirit, or according to His commandment.
Submit, wives, to your husbands, so as to do what is pleasing to the Lord, fulfilling His commandment and serving the glory of His name. Saint Chrysostom says: "Submit in the Lord means submit for God’s sake, since he says this adorns you, not them.
By submission I mean not servile submission, as to masters, nor that which depends on nature, but that which is for God’s sake." A wife naturally feels herself weaker before her husband, and in accordance with this feeling she obeys him.
This is so everywhere. In antiquity husbands even turned this natural subordination into law, and wives were among them like slaves. The Apostle speaks as though saying: this is how it used to be, but now you should do the same in the Lord.
That is, "as the law of the Lord commands" (Blessed Theodoret). "Not through pleasing men and not with pretense, but in the fear of the Lord" (Oecumenius). Perhaps the Apostle added "in the Lord" also because at that time many wives had to remain in marriage with unbelievers.
He did this so that wives might not think that, because of their advantage over their husbands given by the holy faith, they could refuse obedience to them. The Apostle reminds them: no, you must still obey your husbands. You must obey fully and as you ought, changing only the spirit of obedience. Submit in the Lord; see Blessed Theodoret.
When prescribing love to husbands, the Apostle did not add "in the Lord," because this was understood of itself. In Christian marriage there must be nothing sensual. Everything must be pure, holy, and sober.
But he considered it necessary to add only this: "Do not be bitter toward them," μη πικραινεσθε προς αυτας. Do not be bitter for them. Do not manifest your authority and headship in such a way that it is bitter for the wife, like a yoke and an unbearable burden.
Rather, give even commands and directions in such a way that they testify to your love and breathe with it. It is not what is commanded that is sometimes bitter for a wife. It is the tone in which it is spoken, or the expression or gesture that accompanies it.
When all this is loving, then love calls forth love, and obedience proceeds with complete willingness and good disposition. It does not come by pressure from without, but by her own inward desire. Then even the husband’s will, which appears most difficult, is fulfilled without notice.
But when there is no love, even the husband’s light wish becomes bitter and heavy. Or by this the Apostle urges husbands to be indulgent toward wives when they happen not to please them in something.
If a wife always tries to do as her husband wishes, then when he notices some omission or oversight, it is wiser for him not to pay attention to it, as though nothing had happened. If a correction is necessary, he should make it so that the wife does not even notice that a correction is being made.
Rather, let it appear that there is only a discussion about the better ordering of affairs, into which she also enters and offers her judgments. Did Saint Paul not also have in view certain natural deficiencies in women, which sometimes irritate husbands in moments of forgetfulness?
These give husbands occasion to attack their wives because of them and to grieve them thereby. If even a voluntary mistake is worthy of indulgence, then what does not depend on the will is much more worthy of indulgence.
Saint Chrysostom draws this instruction from the Apostle’s words: "Therefore, to love is the work of husbands, and to yield is the work of wives. If each fulfills his duty, then everything will be firm. For when a wife sees herself loved, she is friendly. When a husband meets obedience, he becomes gentle.
See, this has been arranged also in nature, so that the husband loves and the wife is obedient. For when the one who governs loves the one under authority, then everything is well ordered. Love is not required from the subordinate as much as from the ruler toward the subordinate. From the subordinate, obedience is required.
The fact that beauty is in the wife and desire is in the husband shows nothing else than an arrangement for love. Therefore, when the wife submits, do not exalt yourself. And you, wife, when your husband loves you, do not be puffed up.
Let the husband’s love not stir up pride in the wife. Let the wife’s subordination not puff up the husband. God subjected her to you so that she might be loved more. And He inspired the husband to love you, wife, so that it might be easier for you to submit.
Do not fear subordination, for it is not at all difficult to submit to one who loves. Do not grow cold in love, you husband, for your wife yields before you. Union is not possible otherwise. You have the necessary authority by nature. Therefore have also union through love. This union permits one to bear with the weaker."
THEOSIS