1 Peter 3:7Meaning & Commentary from the Church Fathers

For Paul says plainly: “Do not deprive one another, except by consent,” and so forth (1 Cor 7:5). But Peter, speaking more solemnly, says “wisely,” and thereby hints at the matter. He persuades husbands, since the female sex is more inclined also to this, not to separate themselves from their wives with prohibition and severity.

Rather, they should first be condescending toward them as weaker vessels in the use of marital relations. Then, with a certain caution, they should persuade them to become accustomed to abstinence from this. For by the words “showing them honor” he wishes to indicate condescension.

For one to whom no attention is paid receives neither honor nor mercy. Therefore they should use them in relation to union as weaker, or also as fellow heirs of living grace. That we have not without reason given this meaning to the present saying is indicated by the addition that follows: “that your prayers may not be hindered.”

For what hindrance to prayer can come from a husband’s harshness toward his wife? Yet abstaining from union gives greater attention and zeal during prayer. This is my thought on the matter.

“As fellow heirs of the grace of life”: it is as though Peter says directly, “Since God calls women to the reward of eternal life, do not mock them.” It is well said, “of the grace of life,” because eternal life is in grace, not in payment for labor, unless God gives it freely. As it is said: “It is not of him who wills, nor of him who runs, but of God who has mercy” (Rom 9:16).

The best and most evident proof of mutual respect between spouses can and must be common family prayer.

Exhortations to virtue and patience according to the example of Jesus Christ. From particular rules of conduct appointed for certain states, the Apostle passes to rules of conduct for all his readers. Brotherly love, mercy and meekness, refusal of vengeance, love for enemies, restraint of the tongue, and turning away from evil are the chief virtues proposed by the Apostle (1 Pet 3:8-13).

But especially, in view of the readers’ circumstances, he impresses upon them patience in persecutions and readiness to answer concerning their hope. He shows the superiority of innocent suffering (1 Pet 3:14-17). The basis of this hope and the impulse toward virtue and patience are the saving sufferings of righteous Christ for us, the unrighteous.

They are also His utter condescension toward sinners, by which He descended in soul even into Hades with the preaching of repentance. Thus He would turn to Himself even those who did not wish to listen to Noah and perished in the waters of the Flood (1 Pet 3:18-20).

But as Noah with his family was saved in the ark from the Flood, so baptism saves us. It is joined with the promise of a good life and is established upon the Resurrection of Jesus Christ (1 Pet 3:21-22).

“Dwell wisely”: the character of this wisdom is defined by the following words, “as with the weaker vessel,” weaker in comparison with the man. This means that such wisdom must consist in careful treatment of the wife. She is a weak, fragile vessel. Wisdom generally requires that one handle such vessels carefully, because such a vessel can more easily be broken than a firm one, which can endure even less careful handling.

It depends on the husband’s wisdom to determine wherein this careful treatment of his wife must consist. In this case the particular aspects depend on the most varied circumstances of life and cannot be defined completely. Blessed Theophylact, indicating one particular feature of such a husband’s relation to his wife, paraphrases the Apostle’s words: “Dwell wisely, that is, take into account the weakness and inclination of the female sex toward faintheartedness. Be magnanimous toward wives, and do not demand with irritability an account of what has been entrusted to them in the household. He persuades husbands not to be strict in demanding accounts from wives so that, as we have said, they may be more generous in giving to the poor” (Theophylact).

Besides this, the Apostle also designates another characteristic particular feature of this wisdom: the husband must show the wife honor, or the respect due to her. By this, the husband’s despotism over the wife is driven out of family relations, since it is inconsistent with the spirit of Christianity. At the same time, the woman’s arbitrariness and caprices are also restrained, for they are no less inconsistent with the spirit of Christianity. The wife must obey the husband, and the husband must show respect to the wife.

“As fellow heirs of the grace of life”: this is the ground why the husband must show honor to the wife. It is a higher ground than the simple one flowing from the natural properties of the female sex. It is a purely Christian ground.

The wife is equal in honor to the husband in this respect: she too has a share in the inheritance of the promises of the life of grace. That is, she has the inheritance of eternal salvation, bestowed by the Lord Jesus Christ on all who believe in Him, without distinction, both men and women.

The turn of the Apostle’s speech presupposes that both spouses are Christians. Likewise, the following words, “that your prayers may not be hindered,” clearly refer to the joint domestic and public prayers of Christian spouses.

The Apostle indicates a hindrance to such prayer if the husband does not show due honor to the wife. Christian prayer requires a spirit reconciled with all; cf. Mt 5:24; Mt 6:14; 1 Jn 3:21; 1 Tim 2:8. Where due respect is not shown to the wife, bitterness, displeasure, and sometimes discord are inevitably introduced into marital relations.

This means that, in any case, there is an unsettled and unreconciled disposition of spirit. Such a state is not in accord with the requirements and character of true Christian prayer.

Her dependence on him in every respect should dispose him to treat her with condescension, gentleness, and care. He should treat her as one treats a fragile, weak vessel. He must use his authority over her not only for his own good and pleasure, but also for her good.

This is not enough. The Christian husband must remember that his wife, if she is a Christian, is equal in right with him as a “fellow heir of the life of grace.” She has the same share with him in the inheritance of eternally blessed life by the power of God’s grace.

This grace, through faith, has been given to her in the same measure as to the husband. In Christ Jesus there is no distinction between male and female. All are one through gracious communion with Christ in the Church.

Therefore the husband must deal with his wife not only condescendingly, but also respectfully. Otherwise there will be “hindrances for them both in prayers.” If the husband despises his wife, treats her arrogantly, and thereby provokes her displeasure against him, then neither her prayers nor the husband’s prayers can be pleasing to God. Peace and love are absent from them.