Ephesians 5:25Meaning & Commentary from the Church Fathers

You suffer this while already in union with your wife. But He suffered for the Church when she was turning away from Him and hating Him.

When she turned away, hated Him, despised Him, and was corrupt, He subjected her beneath His feet by His great condescension. He did not resort to threats, reproaches, terrors, or anything of the kind.

So you also should act toward your wife. Even if you see that she neglects you, is corrupt, and despises you, know how to bring her to your feet by your great care for her, by love, and by friendship.

There are no bonds stronger than these, especially for husband and wife.

A servant can sometimes be bound by fear. More likely, even he will not be bound by this, but will spring away and flee.

But the companion of life, the mother of children, and the cause of all joys must be bound to oneself not by fear and threats, but by love and affection.

What kind of marriage is it when the wife trembles before the husband? What pleasure can the husband enjoy if he lives with his wife as with a slave and not as with a free woman?

If you happen to suffer something for her, do not murmur. Christ did not do this.

“And Christ loved the Church.” And how, tell me, did Christ love the Church? He gave Himself for her.

Therefore the love by which Isaac loved his wife Rebecca must be understood as holy. Her name means patience. From Mesopotamia, surrounded on every side by the rivers of this age, he brought her into the land of promise, that she might comfort him after his mother's death.

Here He softened the bitterness caused by the end of the synagogue through union with the Church. In saying this, we give occasion for objection from heretics, who think that every marital union must be rejected. They especially make use of this passage.

But one must answer them briefly. In this place the Apostle forbids passion, impurity, and incontinence between husband and wife, not the holy union. Otherwise, if he altogether forbade marital union, why would he say, "your own wives"? He could have said, "Husbands, love women," or simply, "wives."

The word "your own" properly indicates marital union. This is still clearer in the words that follow: "Husbands ought to love their own wives as their own bodies" (Eph 5:28). It is clearer still: "He who loves his own wife loves himself; for no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and warms it" (Eph 5:29).

For by the ordinance of the ancient law, and by its restoration in the Gospel, husband and wife become one flesh. Thus, as we have said, in marriage a concession was made for the sake of childbearing. But the pleasures obtained from the embraces of mistresses are condemned in spouses.

When reading this, every husband and every wife should understand that after conception they ought to serve prayer more than marital intercourse. Among animals and beasts, this is determined by the very law of nature: those who are to give birth do not mate until birth itself. Among human beings it is left to freedom, so that there may be a reward for them through abstinence from pleasures.

But since, in the figurative sense, we have said that husbands are souls and wives are bodies, it must be said that the soul should love the flesh, or body, as Christ loves the Church. It should give itself for its salvation and sanctify it by the word of teaching. Thus it may present it to itself without defilement or any habit of the old man, especially when it knows that in the resurrection it must be saved and shall see the salvation of God.

Such a husband has Christ as his head. When, humbling himself for the salvation of the flesh, he becomes one flesh with his wife, he will draw her away toward the spirit. And having been joined to the Lord, he will cease to be flesh.

It is also beautiful that, when speaking of marital union, he used the terms spot and blemish, wrinkle, ruga, to define the beauty of the Church. He took them from the example of women.

Indeed, dark spots often appear on women's bodies, wrinkles gather, and freckles become variegated. These are a matter of great concern for women, prompting them to remove everything that seems unclean and to present the body to their husbands in its beauty.

So also souls must be cleansed from every sinful impurity. Then the wrinkle of the old man will be smoothed out by youth, and day by day the soul will be renewed into the new man.

He established precisely these marital relations, and no others. In the union of marriage He assigned the wife the second place after the husband.

How should the husband’s headship in Christian marriage be understood? Only as primacy, which is inevitable in every union and society consisting of several persons.

It is not domination, nor superiority in rights that weighs upon those subject to it.

The husband is the natural head, or first member, in the marital union because the chief burden of marital duties rests upon him. The wife cannot bear these, given the relative tenderness of her nature and the weakness of her physical powers.

The holy Apostle Paul makes very clear the idea of such caring and loving headship in the man.

Being the Head of the body, His Church, what else is Christ for it? He is also the Savior of this body. So too the husband is head of the wife because he is bound to be her caretaker.

Therefore it would be not only groundless, but plainly imprudent, for her to seek equality with her husband. In that case, unbearable burdens of life would fall equally upon her shoulders together with his.

Thus, in the apostolic words about the husband’s headship over the wife, one hears no diminution of woman’s rights. On the contrary, one hears their safeguarding and defense. For men, one hears the instruction of the duties that flow from their headship.

Husbands must love their wives (Eph 5:25), first, with fidelity, “as Christ also loved the Church and gave Himself for her.”

“Imitate the Master’s care. Show toward those who live with you in marriage the same care that the Lord showed toward the Church. For Christ the Master did not refuse even to die for His bride, in order to cleanse her, make her glorious, smooth away the traces of old age, and show her free from every vice. Therefore you too must have the same love for your spouses and take care for them as for your own body” (Blessed Theodoret).

“Do not turn away from your wife because of her lack of attractiveness. She is God’s creation. Do not praise her for beauty either. Such praise, such hatred, and even passionate love belong to corrupt souls. Seek beauty of soul. Imitate Christ the Bridegroom. Let us seek neither money nor outward nobility, but nobility of soul.”

“But how is the wife the husband’s flesh? Listen: ‘Behold now,’ Adam says, ‘bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh’ (Gen 2:23). Eve is flesh from Adam’s flesh.”

“As the whole human race was born from Adam and Eve, so from Christ and the Church is born the whole multitude of believers. Forming one body, it is again placed into Christ’s side, having become one flesh with Him.”

“The Lord Himself prayed about this: ‘That they all may be one; as Thou, Father, art in Me, and I in Thee, that they also may be one in Us’ (Jn 17:21)” (Chrysostom).

That the wife loves needs no saying, but she may more easily forget herself. That the husband likes to subject his wife to himself also happens of itself, but he may extend this beyond what is proper.

The holy Apostle therefore guards against these possible deviations on both sides.

The wife must above all preserve obedience to her husband, because the wife’s attempt to take dominance disrupts family peace. The husband must above all love his wife, because selfishness on his part makes family prosperity and sweetness impossible.

If one compares upon whom the Apostle presses more, it appears that he presses more upon the husband.

If we accept in full strictness that wives must obey their husbands in everything, according to the pattern of the Church’s obedience to Christ the Lord, we must also accept in full strictness the love required of husbands.

This love must be in the measure of Christ the Lord’s love for the Church. But the Lord gave Himself for the Church. Therefore husbands too must extend their love for their wives to readiness to sacrifice even their own life for them.

Where love exists, however, this happens of itself. Yet justice also requires it.

If we take obedience in its true force, we shall see that it is an unceasing death, a cutting off of one’s own desires and judgments. It is just, after the wife’s long death, that the husband, if need arises, should die once.

St. Chrysostom understands the husband’s love for his wife in this force. Addressing the husband, he says: “You have heard of great obedience. You are satisfied with Paul, that he, like a wondrous and spiritual teacher, teaches us order in life. Good. But listen to what he requires of you. He carries the same example further: ‘Husbands,’ he says, ‘love your wives, as Christ also loved the Church.’ Have you seen the measure of obedience? Hear also the measure of love. Do you wish your wife to obey you as the Church obeys Christ? Then care for her yourself as Christ cares for the Church. Even if it is necessary to sacrifice your life for her, or to endure and suffer anything whatever, do not refuse. Yet even if you suffer all this, do not think that you have done anything like what Christ did. Know how to make her subject to you by your great care for her, by love, and by friendship. There are no bonds stronger than these, especially for husband and wife. A servant can sometimes be bound by fear. But the companion of life, the mother of children, and the cause of all family joys must be bound to oneself not by fear and threats, but by love and affection. What kind of marriage is it when the wife trembles before the husband? What pleasure can the husband enjoy if he lives with his wife as with a slave and not as with a free woman? If you happen to suffer something for her, do not murmur. Christ did not do this.”