In spite of the taunts and scorn directed at Jesus by His adversaries on Golgotha, the Blessed Virgin Mary, Mary Magdalene, Mary of Cleopas, and the Apostle John bravely drew near to His Cross. Archbishop Innocent posits that they approached only when darkness descended, believing it unsafe to openly show their love for Jesus beforehand, fearing that the enemies of His Mother might subject her to further mockery. However, it seems implausible that Mary could have remained distant from the sufferings of Her Son; indeed, the tender heart of the Mother longed to be with Him, amidst His painful isolation, encircled by hostile foes, without anyone to comfort Him in His suffering. Those who bear witness to anguish among adversaries can grasp how agonizing it is to suffer without the solace of anyone nearby. Yet, a mother’s heart comprehends this pain even more acutely, often ignoring potential dangers to remain near her child. Thus, we can surmise that once the soldiers completed their task and settled down to guard Jesus, John led the Mother of God through the crowd, accompanied by Mary Magdalene and Mary Cleopas, to stand at the foot of the Cross, undeterred by any threats. It’s possible that initially, they stood at a distance where Christ didn’t see them, likely due to the hostile crowd blocking the way. However, when those who harbored malice began to disperse, Our Lady and John, who protected her, quickly moved closer, positioning themselves where Jesus could behold them.
As Christ departed from this world, His Blessed Mother was left alone, with no one to care for her. Joseph had passed away, and the so-called brothers of the Lord, being the children of Mary Cleopas, were not even part of Jesus' circle of followers; thus, there were no other relatives present. When Jesus saw His Mother and His beloved disciple with her, He took pleasure in assigning the care of His Mother to this disciple, saying, "Woman, behold, your son," and directing her gaze towards John. Subsequently, He instructed John, directing his gaze to His Mother, "Behold, your mother!" John recounts this moment, noting that from that point on, he took her into his home and cared for her just as a son would. The Evangelists, Matthew and Mark, speak of the women witnessing Jesus’ death from a distance but do not mention the Mother of God, hinting that she may not have been present at her Son's final moments. It’s plausible that Jesus sought to shield His Mother from the immense sorrow of seeing Him crucified and communicated to John to take her away. Nevertheless, it must also be acknowledged that John couldn’t have left Our Lady alone during such a harrowing time. Therefore, it is reasonable to believe that Mary remained at the foot of the Cross, or not far from it, while the onlookers stood in silence and watched.
But where were the other Apostles, apart from John? What of those steadfast followers of Christ who had vowed to accompany Him to His last moments in Jerusalem? Where was Peter, who confidently professed he would lay down his life for Him? At this moment of deep sorrow for their Master, whom they had recently acknowledged as the Son of God, their absence is quite conspicuous. They had scattered... Meanwhile, Judas was fleeing far from Golgotha, looking back. As for the other ten Apostles, where could they possibly be? Those whom Christ had called His friends during His farewell discourse, we find no mention of them in the Gospel narrative. However, understanding the events that transpired around this time allows us to speculate on the state of mind of the scattered Apostles. They, along with their contemporaries, expected the Messiah to be a triumphant King of Israel, overthrowing the Roman oppressors and subjugating all nations. Such was the prevailing Jewish understanding of the Messiah’s role, one which clung to them despite Christ emphasizing that His kingdom was not of this world.
Their aspirations led them to envision the positions they would hold in the Messiah’s kingdom, even disputing amongst themselves as to who would occupy the most honored positions. The "sons of thunder," John and James, had audaciously requested that they be granted seats of honor beside Him. Their faith in a glorious, conquering kingdom was so overwhelming that they failed to grasp the reality of Christ’s foretelling regarding His sufferings, death, and resurrection, which they deemed incompatible with their expectations. How could the Messiah suffer? Or die? Surely He would reign eternally and remain impervious to death. But the thought of resurrection, contingent upon death, was a profound enigma that they could not comprehend. They were perplexed that Jesus had not yet initiated His kingdom, questioning why He declined to embrace His Kingship when the eager crowds wished to exalt Him in Jerusalem. Although doubt began to overshadow their beliefs by the time Jesus embarked on His final journey, they followed Him, still loyal due to their love for Him as a Prophet and miracle worker. Thomas, declaring, "Let us go and die with Him!" encapsulated their troubled spirit.
Jesus’ triumphant entry into Jerusalem rekindled their hopes, temporarily restoring their dreams of His kingdom’s imminent arrival. However, once Jesus distanced Himself from the ruling authorities and the crowd's support dwindled, their hopes were once again dashed. When He was captured like a criminal and tried, they abandoned Him in fear, with Peter, the most dedicated among them, denying Him three times, even hesitant to utter His name. Yet, even after these events, they clung to the possibility of a miraculous deliverance from the impending execution, envisioning that He would ultimately conquer His enemies and establish His kingdom. Consequently, they mustered the courage to be present at Calvary, mingling among the throngs. But, sorrowfully, those aspirations went unfulfilled. Christ refrained from exhibiting His miraculous powers to evade crucifixion; instead, He interceded for His executioners. When He was nailed to the cross and the cruel mockers taunted Him, saying, "If You are the Son of God, come down from the cross," did doubt not creep into the hearts of the Apostles? Did they not beseech Him inwardly, "Lord! If You are the Son of God, save yourself and reveal Your kingdom. All will believe in You. O Lord! Do not delay. Come down! Come down, Lord!" If the Cross offered great temptation to the onlookers, did it not also ensnare the Apostles? Did it not plunge them into despair, disappointment, and sorrow? Observing their crucified Lord from a distance, pleading for Him to descend from the Cross, they could easily have succumbed to despair. Their dreams of a glorious Messianic reign lay in ruins; their aspirations for prominence in that kingdom had vanished—it was all lost!
How often had that kingdom seemed so near? They had questioned Jesus, inquiring about what they would receive for having left everything to follow Him. In response, Christ had promised that when He occupied His glorious throne, they too would sit on twelve thrones, judging the tribes of Israel. At that time, they failed to comprehend the true significance of His words and likely recalled them with sorrow and desperation, asking themselves, "Where are these promised thrones? Where is the throne of glory for Jesus? Is it not this Cross? Will we not share in His plight? Will we not be condemned like Him? What a tormenting situation He has brought us to! Why speak of thrones when a Cross lies in waiting?" oh, Lord! If You are the Son of God, come down quickly from the Cross and take Your seat upon the Throne of Glory! Their hearts, burdened with doubt and fear, mingled with fleeting hopes and ultimately despair, found themselves tormented as they skulked among the crowd surrounding Golgotha. They could not yet fathom the significance of the unfolding events, nor did they grasp that only through His death and resurrection could Christ triumph over the world. They had forgotten His parting words: "Take heart! I have overcome the world!"
Only after experiencing the Resurrection of the Lord and upon receiving the Holy Spirit did their once-stony hearts soften, and their minds, clouded by the false teachings regarding the kingdom, were illuminated. Only then did they understand, finding their voices to confidently proclaim the risen Christ. Thus, for us who seek to comprehend the mindset of the Apostles as they beheld their crucified Lord from afar, we ought not to condemn their doubts and disbelief, nor lament the occurrence of such feelings. It was the divine Father's design to lead the Apostles to a awakened faith through the trials of doubt that may seem inappropriate to us. It was only then that they reached a resolute and unwavering faith in Jesus Christ as the incarnate God, enabling them to boldly evangelize and challenge a pagan world. Consequently, all their uncertainties, disappointment, and despair were necessary, fulfilling God’s purpose.
And the crowd remained, watching (Luke 23:35). Let us, as sinners, stand humbly at the foot of the Lord's Cross! Let us mentally gather at the feet of the Suffering One, the only sinless entity who offered Himself as a sacrifice for the sins of humankind! Let us listen to what He communicates to us from the heights of His Cross, nearly two millennia after His redemptive sacrifice. Do we hear Him reminding us of the command he imparted to His Apostles during His last conversation with them? "A new commandment I give to you, that you love one another; as I have loved you" (John 13:34). Do we hear Him ask us: "Do you love one another? Do you recall that there is no greater love than to lay down one’s life for one’s friends" (John 15:13)? Do you remember that all will know you are my disciples if you possess love for one another (John 13:35)? Do we remember and carry out what I have instructed you? How shall we respond to our Lord, who suffered for us? Shall we muster the audacity to claim we remember His commandments and love one another as He loved us? No, let us instead confess, "Lord, You know everything; You know if we truly love You and adhere to Your commands. You know, O Lord, how Your adversary sows discord in Your fields, harvesting a bountiful crop of malice. You observe, my Lord, that our hearts are filled not with sacrificial and forgiving love for our neighbors but with pride, cruelty, and hatred. You see how those who name themselves as Christians worship not You, but their own egos, turning them into idols, sacrificing everything—including the happiness and even lives of those around them—for the comfort of this idol. You understand that according to the world’s distorted teachings, obedience to God and the fulfillment of His will have been supplanted by self-indulgence. Love for neighbors and aiding those in distress have been discarded for the pursuit of survival and the domination of the strong over the weak. You witness the nations at war with one another, the countless lives perishing in agony, rivers of innocent blood flowing before Your eyes. Do we dare claim, O Lord, that we fulfill Your commandments, that we bear the name of Christians for good reason? On the contrary! By our actions, replacing Your commandments with worldly teachings, we add to Your sufferings; we reenact Your crucifixion, Lord!