In the face of the scorn and ridicule directed at Jesus by His adversaries on Golgotha, the Blessed Virgin Mary, Mary Magdalene, Mary the mother of James (Mary of Cleopas), and the Apostle John fearlessly drew near to His Cross. Some, like Archbishop Innocent, suggest that they only approached during the darkness, contending that prior to this, it would have been too perilous to openly show their love for Jesus and that the Theotokos might have faced harsh mockery if identified by those opposed to her Son. However, this interpretation seems implausible. It is difficult to accept that Our Lady observed her Son’s suffering from a distance; rather, the compassionate heart of a mother yearned for Him in His time of anguish, surrounded by hostile enemies, with no one else to share His suffering. Anyone can understand the pain of enduring trial in the company of foes, with no one nearby to alleviate the mental torment of the afflicted; but a mother's heart comprehends this struggle more profoundly and is driven by love rather than fear of danger. Therefore, it is reasonable to believe that once the soldiers completed their task and took position to watch over Jesus, John promptly guided the Mother of God through the crowd, followed by Mary Magdalene and Mary Cleopas, and they collectively stood at the foot of the Cross, disregarding all potential threats. Initially, it is likely they positioned themselves where Christ might not discern them, perhaps because the Cross was encircled by hostile onlookers, leaving no space to draw closer. But as the enemies’ malice waned and they began to disperse, Our Lady and John—who remained close to her—immediately advanced so that Jesus could see them.
When Christ departed from this world, His Blessed Mother was left alone with no one to care for her. Joseph was no longer with them; the so-called brothers of the Lord, who were sons of Mary Cleopas, were not part of His disciples or followers. Therefore, upon seeing His Mother and His beloved disciple beside her, Jesus felt a sense of relief in entrusting John with her care, addressing her with the words, “Woman, behold, your son,” (John 19:26) and indicating John with His gaze. Then, turning to John and gesturing towards His mother, He said, “Behold, your mother!” (John 19:27). John later confirms this event, adding that from this moment, he took her into his home and tended to her as a son would care for his mother (John 19:27).
The Gospel accounts by Matthew and Mark recount the women present at the crucifixion observing from a distance but fail to mention the Mother of God (Mark 15:40-41), leading us to consider the possibility that she may not have been there at the moment of her Son's death. Jesus may have chosen to shield His Mother from the profound anguish of witnessing His suffering on the Cross and, through a glance, signaled to John to take her away. Yet, it also seems plausible that John escorted Our Lady from the scene only to return, as he later describes the events following with the assertion, "And he who saw testified, and his testimony is true; he knows that he speaks the truth" (John 19:35). It is hard to imagine that John would have taken the Blessed Mother into his home and then left her alone during such a harrowing moment. Therefore, enough evidence suggests that Our Lady remained close to the Cross until its conclusion or at a small distance from it.
The gathering onlookers bore witness (Luke 23:35). But where were the other apostles, aside from John? Where were those steadfast companions of Christ, who had resolved to accompany Him on His final journey to Jerusalem, prepared to die with Him? Where was Peter, who had boldly declared he would lay down his life for Him? In that moment of despair for their Master, whom they had recently acknowledged as the Son of God, where were they? Meanwhile, Judas lingered at a distance, distraught (see Matthew 27:5). But what of the remaining ten apostles? Where were those whom Christ called His friends during their last conversation (John 15:15)? The Gospels do not provide answers, but by reflecting upon the preceding and following events, we can infer the mindset of the ten apostles who fled.
The Apostles, alongside the Jews of that era, envisioned the Messiah as a conquering King who would defeat the Roman oppressors and rule over all nations, establishing Jewish dominion. Such misapprehensions about the Messiah's purpose were deeply ingrained and despite Christ's repeated assertions that His kingdom was not of this world, the apostles struggled to abandon these hopes. They aspired to positions of prominence in this anticipated Kingdom, engaging in disputes over who would occupy the most esteemed seats. Even the “sons of thunder,” John and James, audaciously requested to be granted places of honor by Jesus in His kingdom. Their unwavering faith in the envisioned triumphant reign of the Messiah clouded their perception, yielding disbelief regarding Jesus’ predictions of suffering, death, and resurrection. They could not reconcile their expectations of an all-powerful leader with the notion of suffering and death. How could the Messiah endure such anguish? How could He die? No; He was meant to reign eternally, so death was inconceivable. Yet they found no resolution to the paradox of resurrection if the Messiah could not perish. This conundrum was beyond their comprehension, and they did not endeavor to solve it.
They were perplexed by Christ’s delay in establishing His kingdom and may have wondered why He resisted the chance to claim His kingship when the fervent crowds sought to elevate Him forcibly to Jerusalem. Their hopes began to wane by the time Jesus embarked on His final journey, especially as they had urged Him against going, fearing the certain demise they believed awaited Him. Even if they entertained the possibility of His death, this was only because faith in Him as the Messiah had begun to erode. However, love for Him as a Prophet compelled them to follow. When Thomas exclaimed, “Come and we will die with Him!” they all acquiesced.
The jubilant entry into Jerusalem reignited the apostles’ hopes for the glorious kingdom, though the subsequent rift between Jesus and the ruling authorities, along with the people’s growing disillusionment, plunged His friends back into sorrow. When Jesus was bound and put on trial as a criminal, they all betrayed Him in fear, with the most ardent of them denying Him thrice and shrinking from even invoking His name. Even in the wake of these occurrences, they clung to the hope that some miracle would extricate Him from the ignominious fate that loomed and that He would then, in triumphant glory, establish His kingdom. This hope likely motivated them as they approached Calvary but ultimately proved fruitless. For not only did Christ refrain from using His miraculous powers to avert death, but He even prayed for those who executed Him.
When He was crucified, the malicious taunts of the Jews rang out—“If You are the Son of God, come down from the cross”— did not doubt seep into the hearts of the apostles? Did they not internally implore, “Lord! If You truly are the Son of God, descend from the cross and manifest Your kingdom! All will believe in You. O Lord! Do not delay. Come down from the cross, come down!” If the Cross posed a significant temptation to many who were prepared to acknowledge Jesus as the Son of God, did it not equally challenge the apostles? Did it not plunge them into sorrow, despair, and confusion? Watching their crucified Master from a distance, longing for salvation that never came, they could descend into utter hopelessness. Their cherished visions of a radiant kingdom had crumbled; the prospects of prominent roles within that Kingdom seemed lost forever! How often they had considered that kingdom close to attainment, and wondered what would be afforded them for leaving everything to follow Him? And Christ’s answer—that when He ascends to His Throne of glory, they too would occupy twelve thrones to judge the twelve tribes of Israel— was now but an echo of unfulfilled promise. Their failure to grasp the true essence of this proclamation resulted in melancholy as they lamented, “Where are these promised twelve thrones? Where is Jesus' Throne of Glory? Is it not this cross? Will we not share in His fate? Will we not face crucifixion as His disciples, as those aligned with Him? Why has He led us to such an unbearable state? Why speak of thrones when He has met the Cross instead of the Kingdom of Glory?”
Those cries of doubt, despair, vague hope, and finally, desolation tormented the hearts of the ten apostles who sought refuge amidst the crowd around Golgotha. They had yet to grasp the significance of the unfolding events; they were unaware that it would only be through Christ's death and resurrection that He would triumph over the world. They had certainly forgotten His farewell words: “Take heart! I have overcome the world!” It was only post-Resurrection, when the Holy Spirit descended upon them, that their hearts, previously hardened, were softened and their minds, clouded by misguided teachings regarding the Messiah’s kingdom, were illuminated. Only then did they comprehend fully and boldly proclaim the risen Christ, grounded in faith and conviction.
Thus, as we attempt to fathom the psyche of those apostles gazing helplessly at their crucified Master from a distance, we should not deride their doubts and disbelief nor lament the circumstances as they were. It was the Father’s divine intention to guide the apostles toward unshakeable faith amidst their persistent uncertainties, which might even seem offensive to us. Only when they arrived at a conscious belief in Jesus Christ as God incarnate could they become powerful heralds able to confront the pagan world. Therefore, all their doubts, disillusionment, and despair were part of God's purpose.
And the spectators remained, observing (Luke 23:35). As sinners, let us also gather at the foot of the cross of our Lord! Let us mentally position ourselves at the base of the Suffering Servant, the only sinless One who offered Himself as an atonement for the world’s transgressions. May we stand and hear the voice of Christ from the height of His Cross, nearly nineteen centuries post His sacrificial act. Can we perceive how He prompts us to remember the commandment given to the apostles during His final discourse with them? “A new commandment I give unto you, that ye love one another; as I have loved you” (John 13:34). Do we hear Him imploring, “Do you love one another? Do you remember that there is no greater love than this, that a man lays down his life for his friends” (John 15:13)? “By this, all men will know that you are my disciples, if you have love for one another” (John 13:35). Do we recollect His commands and abide by them?
What shall we say to the Lord who suffered for our sake? Do we dare assert that we remember His commandments and love one another in the manner He loves us? Rather, let us profess, “Lord, You know all things; You know if we truly love You and adhere to Your commands. You are aware, O Lord, how the enemy sowed confusion among us and garnered a bountiful harvest. You see, Lord, our hearts are not brimming with selfless and forgiving love but rather filled with self-interest, pride, spite, and hatred. You witness how some who call themselves Christians adore only their own selves, forging idols of them, sacrificing everything—including the happiness and well-being of their neighbors—on their altars.
You know that worldly ideologies champion personal desires over obedience to God, even when such desires entail the misfortune or death of others. You see how nations wage war against one another, how countless souls perish in excruciating suffering, their blood pooling in rivers...! Do we dare to assert before You, O Lord, that we adhere to Your commandments, and that we are called Christians for just cause? No! By our actions—by substituting Your divine commandments with worldly teachings—we inflict upon You immense anguish; we crucify You again upon Your Cross, O Lord!
THEOSIS