In the face of the jeers and taunts from Jesus' adversaries on Golgotha, the Blessed Virgin Mary, Mary Magdalene, Mary of Cleopas, and the Apostle John displayed great courage by approaching the Cross. Archbishop Innocent suggests that they did so only after darkness had fallen, fearing for their safety in expressing their love for Jesus beforehand, noting that the Theotokos could have been subjected to ridicule by her Son’s enemies. However, this interpretation seems unlikely. It’s hard to believe that Our Lady observed her Son's agony from a distance; rather, the loving heart of a mother compelled her to go to Him amid His suffering, where He was encircled by hostile foes, longing for any comfort.
Everyone can understand the immense difficulty of enduring suffering without nearby support to alleviate one's anguish, but a mother understands such pain more deeply than anyone. Therefore, it is likely that as soon as the soldiers completed their tasks and took their posts, John led the Mother of God through the crowd, followed by Mary Magdalene and Mary Cleopas; undeterred by potential danger, they stood by the cross. It’s possible that initially they positioned themselves in such a way that Christ did not recognize them, perhaps due to the surrounding mockery rendering closeness impossible. However, as the enemies eventually dispersed, it was Our Lady and John, who watched over her, who instantly drew near, ensuring that Jesus could see them.
When Christ departed this world, His Blessed Mother found herself alone, with no one to care for her. Joseph had passed away, the so-called brothers of the Lord were not among His disciples or followers, and other relatives were absent. Thus, when Jesus beheld His Mother and His beloved disciple at her side, He joyfully entrusted John with her care, saying, “Woman, behold your son,” directing His gaze at John (John 19:26). Then, addressing John and indicating His mother, He proclaimed, “Behold, your mother!” (John 19:27). John recounts that from that moment onward, he took her into his home and looked after her as a son would his mother until her death (John 19:27).
The Evangelists Matthew and Mark recount the presence of various women at Jesus' death, observing Him from a distance, yet they do not mention the Mother of God (Mark 15:40-41). This omission may suggest that the Theotokos was not present at her Son’s death. It’s quite plausible that Jesus wished to shield His Mother from the profound sorrow of witnessing His suffering on the Cross, possibly signaling John to take her away. Nevertheless, it seems John did not leave her alone during that painfully significant moment, as he later details the events that followed, affirming with certainty, “And he who saw testified, and his testimony is true; he knows that he speaks the truth” (John 19:35). It’s difficult to imagine John, after bringing Our Lady into his home, abandoning her during such a sorrowful hour. Thus, it is reasonable to believe that she remained close to the Cross until the very end.
As we ponder the whereabouts of the other Apostles, aside from John, we realize that the closest companions of Christ, who had pledged to follow Him to Jerusalem and share in His fate, were nowhere to be seen. Where was Peter, who vowed to sacrifice himself for Jesus? They were absent during this moment of mourning for their Master, whom they had recently acknowledged as the Son of God. Instead, Judas was far from Golgotha, guilty and looking back (see Matthew 27:5). What about the other ten apostles? Where were those whom Christ referred to as His friends during His farewell? The Gospels do not provide answers, but considering the events leading up to that moment, we can deduce a possible mindset among the scattered Apostles. Together with all the Jewish people of that era, they awaited a Messiah who would be a conquering King of Israel, capable of overthrowing the Roman oppressors and bringing all nations under Jewish authority. These aspirations were deeply ingrained in their understanding of the Messiah’s role, and even the Apostles, despite Christ’s many revelations that His kingdom was not of this world, clung to these dreams.
Their thoughts were on the positions they would hold in the Messiah's kingdom and even quarreled among themselves over who would occupy the most esteemed positions. John and James, the sons of Zebedee, audaciously petitioned for prominence at Christ's side in His kingdom. Their unwavering faith in the expected glorious reign overshadowed their understanding of His inevitable suffering, death, and resurrection, which seemed entirely incompatible with their expectations. How could the King of Israel endure suffering or face death? To them, the concept of a dying Messiah was incomprehensible, for they believed He would reign forever and thus could not die. How could resurrection even be considered if the Messiah did not succumb to death? Such paradoxes baffled the Apostles.
As they witnessed Jesus' gradual disconnection from His followers and the people's changing sentiments towards Him, their aspirations may have begun to wane. They attempted to persuade Him against traveling to Jerusalem, fearing the consequences they anticipated. Despite their initial fear and doubt, their love for Him as a Prophet drew them to accompany Him. Thomas's brave declaration, “Come and we will die with Him!” encapsulated their mixed feelings; thus, they followed Him into Jerusalem.
The jubilant reception of Jesus into the city revived their hopes for the establishment of His kingdom, but when His association with the establishment faltered and public support dwindled, despair settled back into their hearts. When Jesus was treated as a criminal and condemned, fear overcame them, leading them to forsake Him, while even Peter, who declared his loyalty, denied his association with Him thrice, shrinking from calling Him by name.
Yet, even then, they might still have clung to hope that their beloved Master would somehow escape the impending execution, perhaps believing that His miraculous power would be employed to reveal His kingdom triumphantly. When they arrived at Calvary, they likely carried these fading hopes into the throng. Alas! These expectations were dashed as Christ chose not to utilize His divine abilities to avert death, instead praying for His executioners. Did doubt creep into the Apostles’ minds as they looked upon their crucified Leader being mocked by His enemies, taunted with the challenge, “If You are the Son of God, come down from the cross”? In such desperate moments, did they not silently plead for His miraculous intervention, hoping He would reveal His kingdom?
For those who were inclined to believe, was the Cross not a profound test of faith? Did it not cast them into despair, disappointment, and utter hopelessness? Watching from afar, crying out for Him to prove His divinity, their prayers seemingly unanswered must have led them deeper into despair. Their cherished visions of the Messiah's kingdom lay shattered, with all hopes of glorified positions extinguished.
They recalled the days when they had asked Jesus what reward awaited them for their sacrifices, and His promise that they would sit on thrones to judge the twelve tribes of Israel now led them to tragic contemplation: Where was the fulfillment of that promise? Where was Jesus’ throne, if it appeared He was destined only for a cross? The thought must have plagued them—were they also to suffer alongside their Lord? Their spirits were in turmoil—facing the cross instead of the glorious kingdom, they yearned for Him to descend, to take His rightful seat.
These cries, filled with doubt and trepidation, welling up into flickers of hope and ultimately despair, echoed within the hearts of the ten Apostles, cloaked in the crowd around Golgotha. It was sadly evident that as they stood witness, they did not grasp the profound significance of what was unfolding. They were yet to understand that Christ’s victory over the world would be realized through His death and resurrection. Having forgotten His words, “Courage yourselves! I have overcome the world!” they remained blind to the purpose behind their travails. Only post-resurrection, when the Holy Spirit descended upon them, did their hearts, previously hardened, become receptive to understanding, and their minds, clouded by misguided beliefs about the Messiah, found illumination. Enlightened at last, they began to preach the risen Christ with unwavering conviction.
So, as we strive to comprehend the inner struggle of the Apostles watching their crucified Master from a distance, we need to bear in mind that their moments of doubt and disbelief served a divine purpose. It was the will of God that through such experiences, the Apostles would ultimately come to steadfast faith in Jesus Christ as God incarnate, empowering them to become effective witnesses amidst the pagan world. All their doubts, disappointments, and despair were part of God’s plan.
And the people stood and watched (Luke 23:35). Let us, too, as sinners, gather at the foot of the Lord’s Cross. Let us position ourselves mentally at the feet of the Suffering One, who offered Himself as a sacrifice for the sins of the world. Let us attentively listen to what He conveys to us from this height after nearly nineteen centuries since His atoning sacrifice. Can we hear Him reminding us of the commandment He entrusted to His Apostles during His final discourse: “A new commandment I give unto you, that you love one another; as I have loved you” (John 13:34)? Can we hear Him questioning us: “Do you love one another? Do you recall my teaching that there is no greater love than to lay down one's life for friends” (John 15:13)? “Do you remember that it is through love for one another that all will recognize you as my disciples” (John 13:35)? What shall we respond to the Lord who suffered in our place? Are we bold enough to affirm that we remember His commandments and love one another as He loved us?
Rather, let us humbly confess, “Lord, You know all things; You know our hearts and whether we are obedient to Your teachings. You see how the enemy sows discord amongst humanity, reaping an abundant harvest of agony and strife. You observe, O Lord, that our hearts are often filled not with selfless love and forgiveness, but with self-interest, pride, brutality, and animosity. You witness that those who identify as Christians often worship themselves rather than You, sacrificing the joy and well-being of others to this idol. You understand how divine obedience and nurturing love have been overshadowed by a drive for survival, where the strong exploit the weak. You observe the ongoing wars among nations, witnessing horrendous suffering and bloodshed everywhere.
Do we dare to claim we honor Your commandments, that we bear the title of Christians justly? No! With our lives, we replace Your divine commandments with worldly principles, causing You profound pain, effectively nailing You to Your Cross! We call all who believe in our Lord Jesus Christ to gather at the foot of His Cross, all who remember His commandments. Let us prostrate before Him, praying for the vanquishing of hatred and enmity in our hearts. May our spirits be ignited with love for Him and one another, and may He grant us insight into our spiritual poverty, our weakness, and our insignificance compared to the holiness to which we aspire. May He grant us the strength of renewal to begin anew in building His kingdom, that we may be united in His Spirit, becoming one with Him. Amen.