Overwhelmed and unsure of his next steps, he recalled the thirty pieces of silver he had received, throwing them at the feet of the chief priests before fleeing the court. He found no solace from the torment of his guilty conscience, ultimately succumbing to despair. He took his own life, either by hanging or strangulation. The account in Acts, authored by Luke, reveals that Judas’s lifeless body fell and split open, causing his entrails to spill out (Acts 1:18). The testimony of Matthew does not clarify the specific location where Judas attempted to express his remorse, but since he begins his narrative after the conclusion of Jesus’ trial, prefacing it with “Then Judas...,” it is reasonable to conclude that he approached the court while the Sanhedrin was still present. During the proceedings of Pilate and Herod, and amidst the crucifixion of Jesus, Judas would likely have found it difficult to present his repentance to them.
Where did Judas cast aside the silver coins? According to Matthew, it was in the temple. He presumably tossed them in the same place where his plea for forgiveness was callously rebuffed, for it was there he sought to repent. At that moment, only the ordinary priests were present, as the chief priests were occupied with judicial matters. The Sanhedrin convened within one of the temple structures, and since all areas of the temple were collectively referred to as the temple, it could be inferred that throwing the coins into a temple building was synonymous with casting them into the temple itself. Furthermore, comparing Matthew 27:3, which states that Judas returned the thirty pieces of silver after feeling remorse, with Matthew 27:5, where it mentions that he threw the money into the temple, suggests that Judas's act of returning the silver was not accepted within the Sanhedrin hall, prompting him to go directly to the temple.
Regardless, the chief priests collected the discarded coins and deliberated at their leisure on what to do with them. Regarding Judas’s character, numerous interpretations exist. For example, the Cainite sect posited that Judas possessed a deeper understanding of his Master’s mission than the other apostles, recognizing that the true glory of Jesus lay in His suffering and death for humanity. According to them, by betraying Jesus, Judas contributed to the salvation of mankind and therefore deserved honor rather than scorn. This perspective starkly contradicts the Gospel accounts regarding the apostles in general and Judas in particular.
However, Judas's remorse, his belief that there was no forgiveness or salvation following betrayal, his self-condemnation, and his choice of suicide reveal that his greed did not completely overpower his conscience. The moment came when his conscience regarded his actions with clarity, and suffering began to invade his heart. He believed he was beyond forgiveness, despite Christ’s teachings in parables about mercy that conveyed to everyone, particularly the apostles, that there are no limits to divine forgiveness in human sinfulness. Indeed, Judas could have been forgiven had he truly turned to God in repentance. If he could not, for some reason, fall down before Jesus and seek forgiveness, nothing stopped him from persistently imploring his heavenly Father for mercy.
Yet, he neglected this path and forgot the words of the prodigal son in the parable: “I will arise and go to my father and say to him, ‘Father, I have sinned against heaven and before you’” (Luke 15:18). Instead of approaching the Father—this was his grievous error—Judas attempted to escape the torment of his conscience. However, no matter where he sought refuge, he was pursued by the haunting specter of the cross, with his conscience relentlessly rebuking him, intensifying his remorse. I speculate that Judas’s decision to take his life came not immediately after Jesus’s condemnation, but later on. He might have held onto hope that Pilate would acquit the innocent One, waiting for the conclusion of the trial.
When Pilate transferred authority back to the Sanhedrin and Jesus was taken to Golgotha, that hope faded, leaving him in despair. Yet, far from Calvary, Judas ran, glancing back. The chief priests had dismissed his repentance, and he hurled the thirty pieces of silver—the silent testimony of his betrayal—towards them. He believed this would free him from shame and ease his conscience. However, as his conscience reasserted its dominion, the unease grew stronger, leading Judas towards the one place that could have offered true peace and forgiveness for his sin—the innocent Victim of his treachery.
It is likely he found himself amidst the crowd surrounding Pilate's Praetorium, absorbing the Roman governor's hopeful words declaring, “I find no guilt in this Man!” He must have felt a flicker of reassurance, only to be crushed by Pilate’s subsequent uncertainty and the fear of repercussions leading to Christ's scourging. When the chief priests and people cried out, “His blood be on us and on our children!” Judas became painfully aware that he bore the weight of not just his own sin of betrayal but also the collective transgression of the people.
In despair, he fled from the Praetorium, seeking solace beyond the city, yet he encountered a throng exiting the gates, accompanied by Roman soldiers carrying the instruments of execution. Realization dawned on Judas: his sin could never be washed away. He paused, gazing at Golgotha, anticipating the grim fate that awaited those condemned. Once the innocent one’s crucifixion was complete, the weight of despair drove Judas away from the scene, retreating in the opposite direction. But where was he going? Why was he running? Tormented by conscience, he resolved that a man like himself could no longer live, to end the incessant suffering.
He approached a withered tree, contemplating it as the end of his life’s reckoning. He climbed onto a stone, with frantic movements, threw his belt over the tree, tied one end to its trunk, and encircled the noose around his neck. With a final glance at Golgotha, he leaped down from the stone. The noose tightened around his neck, and following a few spasms, his body hung lifeless, snapped, and fell. Thus, the traitor sealed his own fate, becoming his own executioner.