Augustine of Hippo
What have You instilled in me? I should remember solely Your righteousness. As I reflect on my past, I recognize what I was obligated to endure and what was granted to me in place of what I truly deserved. There was deserved punishment, there was grace offered, there was condemnation, and there was everlasting life bestowed. O God, You have instructed me from my youth. From the onset of my faith—that which You restored in me—you taught me that there was nothing prior within me, allowing me to declare that I owed everything to Your gifts. For who turns to the Lord except from sin? Who is redeemed except from bondage? Yet who could claim that their captivity was unjust when they deserted their Commander and surrendered themselves to a traitor?
Read more (934 words)
God is our Commander, while the devil is the traitor: the Commander issued the commandments, the traitor sowed deception: where were your ears between the command and the error? Was the devil superior to God? Was the rebel better than the Creator? You trusted the promises of the devil and encountered what God warned against. Therefore, having been freed from bondage, still in hopeful anticipation, not yet in reality, acting in faith, not yet by sight, God says, You have taught me from my youth. Since the moment I turned to You, having been renewed and created by You, transformed from my previous state, I learned that no virtue of mine preceded, save for Your grace that came freely, leading me to remember only Your truth.
What follows youth? For You have taught me, says You, from my youth: what comes after youth? For in that initial conversion, you have realized that prior to your transformation, you were unrighteous, as sin reigned, so that sin could be cast away and love could fill its place. Renewed into a new creation, you learned there was no merit of your own, that by God’s grace you have turned back to Him: now, perhaps, since you have been converted, will you possess anything of your own, relying on your own strength? As people often claim, Leave me now; you should have shown me the way; it’s sufficient, I will choose my path. And the One who has shown you the way, will you not allow Me to lead you to the destination? If vanity takes hold, then leave me; it’s enough, I will follow my own path. You have remained, yet due to your frailty, you may stray once more. It would be wise for you to allow the One who initially set you on the path to guide you. But if He does not lead you, you will again wander: hence, say to Him, Guide me, O Lord, in Your way, and I shall walk in Your truth. But your initiation into this path is your youth, the renewal and commencement of faith.
Before, you wandered your own way, a vagabond; traversing wild terrain, over rugged paths, distressed within, seeking a refuge—a place of peace for your spirit, where you might assert, it is well; and safely proclaim this, free from all trepidation, trials, in short, from all captivity; yet you found none. What shall I say? Did the Way come solely to show you the path? The Way itself approached you, and your previous merits did not place you upon it, as you clearly went astray. But now that you have set foot there, will you direct your own journey? Will He who has guided you now abandon you? No, He declares: You have taught me from my youth; and to this very day, I will declare Your wondrous deeds. For marvelous is what You continue to accomplish; indeed, You lead me, having set me upon the right path: these are Your wondrous deeds.
What do you recognize as the marvelous works of God? What could be more astonishing among God’s miracles than the resurrection of the dead? But do you claim to be dead? If you were not dead, would it not have been declared to you, Arise, you who sleep, and rise from the dead, and Christ shall shine upon you. (Eph. 5:14) All unbelievers, all unrighteous individuals are spiritually dead; they may breathe physically, but their hearts have perished. Yet, the One who brings the lifeless back to life enables them to see the light and inhale the air, yet He Himself does not become light and air for them; they begin to see as they did before. The spirit does not revive in this manner. For the spirit is revived by God; although the body is also reawakened through God: yet God, when He revives the body, returns it to the earthly realm; when He revives the spirit, He restores it to Himself. If the breath of this world is taken away, the body dies; if God withdraws, the spirit perishes. Thus, when God breathes life into the spirit, unless the Risen One is present, it remains lifeless. For He does not elevate it and leave it to exist independently: just as Lazarus, who was raised after four days of death, was revived by the presence of the Lord. … Did God part from that city, or that place, and Lazarus ceased to live? This is not how the spirit revives: God brings it to life, and it perishes if He departs.
I will speak boldly, dear ones, yet I affirm the truth. There are two forms of life: one for the body, the other for the spirit: just as the life of the body depends on the soul, so too the life of the spirit relies on God; just as if the soul departs, the body dies, so the spirit fails without God. Herein lies His grace, that He has risen and remains with us. Since He resurrects us from our former death and revitalizes our lives in some way, we proclaim to Him, God, You have taught me from my youth. And since He does not withdraw from those He raises, lest they die in His absence, we say to Him, Even to this day, I will declare Your wondrous deeds: for as long as You are with me, I live, and to my spirit, You are the life which would cease if left to itself. Therefore, as long as my life—that is, my God—remains present, what follows next?