THEOSISJohn Chrysostom
Having said, “because of fornication, let each man have his own wife,” he urges continence by the very reason for the permission.
Paul gives a law concerning marriages, and he is not ashamed and does not shrink from it, and rightly so. If his Lord honored marriage and was not ashamed of it, but adorned it by His presence and gift, for He brought the greatest gifts by changing water into wine, how could the servant be ashamed to give a law concerning marriage?
Marriage is not evil. Adultery is evil, and fornication is evil. Marriage is a remedy that destroys fornication.
Let us not dishonor it with diabolical celebrations. Let those who marry now act as the inhabitants of Cana of Galilee acted. Let them have Christ among them.
But how, they will say, can this be? Through the priests. “He who receives you receives Me” (Mt 10:40).
Therefore, if you drive away the devil, and remove wanton songs, corrupt tunes, indecent dances, shameful words, diabolical rites, shouting, unrestrained laughter, and every other disorder, and if you bring in the holy servants of God, then truly through them Christ will be present with His Mother and His brethren.
“For whoever does the will of My Father in heaven,” He says, “is My brother and sister and mother” (Mt 12:50).
I know that to some I seem harsh and unbearable when I urge this and abolish an ancient custom. But I am not at all troubled by this, because I need not your flattery, but your benefit.
I need not applause and praise, but your progress and philosophy.
Let no one say to me, “Such is the custom.” Where sin is committed, do not mention custom. If what is done is evil, abandon it even if it is an ancient custom.
If it is not evil, then introduce and plant it even if it is not customary.
That such disorders are not an ancient custom, but certain innovations, recall how Isaac married Rebecca and how Jacob married Rachel.
Scripture mentions these marriages and tells how these brides were brought into the houses of the bridegrooms, but it mentions nothing of this sort.
They held a feast and a dinner better than usual, and invited their close relations to the marriage. But there were no flutes, pipes, cymbals, frenzied dances, or any other present disorders.
In our time, however, they sing songs with dances in honor of Aphrodite. They sing of adulteries, violations of marriage, unlawful love, criminal incest, and many other songs filled with impiety and shamelessness.
After drunkenness and such disorder, they lead the bride out before everyone with shameful words.
Tell me then, how do you demand chastity from her, when from the first day of marriage you accustom her to such shamelessness?
How do you arrange for what is improper even for honorable slaves to hear to be done and said before her eyes?
For so long a father and mother labored to guard the maiden, so that she would not say or hear another say any such words.
They arranged inner rooms, women’s quarters, guards, doors, bolts, evening walks, and that she should not be seen even by relatives, besides many other things.
But by your coming you overthrow all this in one day. You make her shameless by your dishonorable celebration and plant corrupt words in the bride’s soul.
Is this not the source of so many later evils? Is this not the source of adultery and jealousy? Is this not the source of childlessness, widowhood, and untimely orphanhood?
When you summon demons by such songs, fulfill their desires with shameful words, bring jesters and libertines into the house, and make a whole theater of it, what good do you expect?
When you fill the house with prostitutes and arrange a banquet for the whole assembly of demons, tell me, what good do you await?
Why then do you invite priests, when you intend the next day to do such things?
Do you wish to show hospitality that brings benefit? Invite assemblies of the poor. But you are ashamed and blush.
What is worse than such senselessness? You do not think it shameful to bring the devil into the house, but you are ashamed to bring Christ.
Truly, as Christ comes with the poor who enter the house, so the devil rejoices among jesters and libertines who revel there.
Moreover, from those expenses there is no benefit, but great harm. For those other expenses you will soon receive a great reward.
No one in the city has done this? Then begin it yourself. Strive to be the first founder of such a good custom, so that posterity may ascribe it to you.
Whoever emulates it and imitates this custom will say to his grandchildren and great-grandchildren, when they ask to know, that such a man first introduced this beautiful law.
Indeed, if at worldly racecourses and feasts many sing of those who gave special splendor to these useless pursuits, much more will all extol this spiritual work.
They will give thanks to the first who laid such a wondrous beginning. By one and the same deed he will create both hospitality and benefit.
Even if others do the same, you who first planted it will receive a reward from these fruits.
Through this you will soon become a father. This will benefit the children, and will help the bridegroom and bride reach old age.
For as God often threatens sinners, saying, “Your wives shall be widows and your children orphans” (Ex 22:24), so to those who obey Him in everything He promises to grant venerable old age and all blessings with it.
One may hear from Paul that a multitude of sins often produced untimely death: “For this reason many of you are weak and sick, and many sleep” (1 Cor 11:30).
But when the poor receive sustenance, they do not allow anything of this kind to happen. If something unexpected occurs, they very quickly set it right.
You may learn this from the example of the maiden who lived in Joppa. When she lay dead, the poor whom she had fed stood around her, shed tears, raised her, and returned her to life (Acts 9:36-41).
So much more useful than all laughter and revelry is the prayer of widows and the poor. There, merriment lasts one day. Here, benefit is constant.
Consider how important it is when the bride, having received so many blessings upon her head, enters the bridegroom’s house.
What crowns are more honorable than these? What wealth is more profitable?
Meanwhile, what is now done is extremely mad and senseless. Even if no punishment and no torment threatened those who behave so disorderly, consider what torment it is for the newlyweds.
They must solemnly endure so many shameful words, in everyone’s hearing, from drunken and deranged men.
The poor, receiving alms, bless and pray that many good things be given. But the others, after drunkenness and gluttony, pour all the filth of mockery on the heads of the newlyweds.
They compete in this with one another by a diabolical rivalry. As if enemies had gathered, their relatives compete with one another to utter barbs, heard or unheard, against those entering marriage.
They imitate enemies. By their competition with one another, they make the bridegroom and bride endure extreme shame.
After this, tell me, need we seek another proof that they do and say this at the prompting of demons who move their souls?
Who will doubt that all this is said and done by them at the prompting of demons who move their souls? No one. Such are the devil’s gifts: slander, drunkenness, and darkening of the soul.
If someone considers it an evil omen to bring in the poor instead, and calls this a sign of misfortune, let him know what truly foretells every trouble and countless evils.
It is not feeding the poor and widows, but feeding libertines and prostitutes.
Often, from that very day, a prostitute departs and steals the newlywed from his friends into her captivity.
She extinguishes his love for the bride, destroys his goodwill, and dissolves his attachment before it has strengthened. She casts the seeds of adultery.
If nothing else, fathers ought to fear this and forbid jesters and dancers to be present at weddings.
Marriage was established not so that we may act wantonly, nor so that we may give ourselves to fornication, but so that we may be chaste.
Listen to Paul, who says, “But because of fornication, let each man have his own wife, and let each woman have her own husband” (1 Cor 7:2).
Thus there are two purposes for which marriage was established: that we may live chastely and that we may become fathers. Of these two purposes, the chief is chastity.
After desire appeared, marriage was introduced to cut off excess and urge a man to be content with one wife.
The begetting of children comes not from marriage, strictly speaking, but from the words spoken by God: “Be fruitful and multiply, and fill the earth” (Gen 1:28).
This is proved by those who entered marriage but did not become fathers. Therefore the principal purpose of marriage is chastity, especially now, when the whole world has been filled with our race.
In the beginning it was desirable to have children, so that each person might leave a memorial and remnant after his life.
When there was not yet hope of resurrection, but death held sway, and the dying thought that after this life they perished, then God gave consolation in children.
Living images of those who had departed remained. Our race was preserved, and those dying, and those close to them, had the greatest consolation in their descendants.
To be convinced that children were especially desired for this reason, hear what Job’s wife laments after many calamities: “Your memory, sons and daughters, has perished from the earth” (Job 2:9).
Likewise Saul says to David, “Swear to me by the Lord that you will not cut off my seed after me, nor destroy my name from my father’s house” (1 Sam 24:22).
But when at last the resurrection came to the doors, and there is no fear of death, but we go to another life better than the present one, concern for this became superfluous.
If you desire children, you can now acquire better and more useful ones, since a spiritual conception has been introduced, a better birth, and more useful nourishers of old age.
Thus, in a certain sense, marriage has one purpose: that we not give ourselves to fornication. For this reason such a remedy was introduced.
If after marriage you intend to give yourself to fornication, then it was needless for you to marry. It was useless and vain.
And not only vain and useless, but harmful. For it is not the same thing to commit fornication without a wife and, after marriage, to do the same again.
The latter is no longer fornication, but adultery. Though these words are strange, they are true.
We know that many call adultery only when someone corrupts a married woman. But as for me, if a man who has a wife joins unlawfully and wantonly with a common prostitute, a slave woman, or any other unmarried woman, I call this adultery.
The guilt of adultery depends not only on those who are dishonored, but also on those who bring the dishonor.
Do not speak to me now of pagan laws, which drag adulterous wives into court and subject them to punishments, while leaving unpunished husbands who have wives and act corruptly with maidservants.
I shall read you the law of God, which equally rebukes wife and husband and calls this deed adultery.
After saying, “Let each woman have her own husband,” the apostle adds, “Let the husband render to his wife the due goodwill” (1 Cor 7:3).
What did he mean by these words? Did he mean that he should preserve her income, keep the dowry intact, provide costly clothes, a luxurious table, splendid outings, or a great crowd of servants?
What are you saying? What kind of “goodwill” do you require? All these are signs of love.
No, says the apostle, I mean none of these. I speak of chastity and purity. The husband’s body no longer belongs to the husband, but to the wife.
Let him keep her property intact. Let him not diminish or damage it.
Among servants, the faithful one is called the one who, having received his master’s property, spends none of it.
Therefore, since the husband’s body is the wife’s property, let the husband be faithful with regard to this deposit.