1 Corinthians 7:5Meaning & Commentary from the Church Fathers

Thus, if you take something from me with my consent, it is not deprivation for me. The one who deprives is the one who takes against the will and by force.

Many wives do this, committing a great sin against justice. By it they give their husbands occasion for licentiousness and bring everything into disorder.

Concord must be preferred to everything. It is more important than all. If you wish, let us prove this by experience.

Let there be a wife and a husband, and let the wife abstain while the husband does not wish it. What will happen? Will he not then commit adultery?

Or, if he does not commit adultery, will he not grieve, be troubled, burn, quarrel, and cause his wife many vexations?

What profit is there from fasting and abstinence when love is violated? None. How many griefs must inevitably come from this, how many troubles, how many disputes!

If in a house husband and wife are not in harmony, their house is no better than a ship tossed by waves, on which the helmsman does not agree with the pilot.

Therefore the apostle says, "Do not deprive one another, except by agreement for a time, that you may devote yourselves to fasting and prayer."

Here he means prayer performed with special care. If he forbade those who have marital relations to pray, then when would there be time for unceasing prayer?

Therefore one can both have relations with one's wife and pray. But with abstinence, prayer is more perfect.

He did not simply say, "that you may pray," but "that you may devote yourselves," because the marital act only distracts from this and does not produce defilement.

"Then come together again, that Satan may not tempt you." Lest you think this is a law, he adds the reason. What reason? "That Satan may not tempt you."

After saying that "the wife does not have authority over her own body," the apostle continues: "Do not deprive one another, except by agreement for a time, that you may devote yourselves to fasting and prayer, and then come together again."

I think that at these words many who have dedicated themselves to virginity blush and feel shame at Paul's condescension. But do not be disturbed, and do not give yourself over to any improper feeling.

At first sight, these words seem spoken to please those who enter marriage. But if someone examines them carefully, he will find in them a thought like the preceding ones.

If someone considers them simply, without reference to the reason already given, they will seem more like the words of a matchmaker than of an apostle.

But if he fully investigates their aim, he will find that this exhortation too is entirely worthy of apostolic dignity.

Why does he set forth his discourse at greater length? Was it not enough to give the seemly exhortation in the preceding words and stop there?

Is there anything more in the words, "Do not deprive one another, except by agreement for a time," than in the words, "Let the husband render to the wife the due affection," and, "The husband does not have authority over his own body"?

Nothing more. What was expressed there briefly and obscurely is here set forth more fully and clearly.

The apostle does this in imitation of the holy prophet Samuel of God. Samuel set forth to the common people the laws concerning the kingdom with complete precision, not so that they would accept them, but so that they would not.

Outwardly it was instruction, but in reality it was a certain diversion from their untimely desire to have a king.

So too Paul speaks many times and very clearly about subjection in marriage, wishing by these words to divert his hearers from marriage.

After saying, "The wife does not have authority over her own body," he continues: "Do not deprive one another, except by agreement for a time, that you may devote yourselves to fasting and prayer."

Do you see how imperceptibly and blamelessly he disposes those who are in marriage toward the practice of continence?

At first he simply praised this work, saying, "It is good for a man not to touch a woman." Here he adds an exhortation, saying, "Do not deprive one another, except by agreement."

Why did he present what he wanted to establish in the form of exhortation, and not as a command? He did not say, "Deprive one another by agreement." What then did he say?

"Do not deprive one another, except by agreement." In this way the discourse became more pleasing, expressing the teacher's thought without insistence. For this reason, fulfillment comes more readily and with great gratitude.

He comforts the hearer not only by this. After setting forth the burdensome matter in brief words, and before the hearer becomes sorrowful, he passes to what is more pleasant and dwells longer on it.

The following also deserves examination: if "marriage is honorable and the bed undefiled" (Heb 13:4), why does the apostle not allow them during fasting and prayer?

Because it would be very strange if even the Jews, among whom everything bore a fleshly stamp, and who were permitted even to have two wives, to send some away and take others, guarded themselves so carefully in this matter.

When preparing to hear the word of God, they abstained from lawful intercourse, and not for one day or two, but for several days (Exod 19:15).

It would be strange if we, who have received such grace, received the Spirit, died and were buried with Christ, were counted worthy of adoption, and were raised to such honor, did not show a zeal equal to these children.

If someone again asks why Moses himself turned the Jews away from marital intercourse, I would say that marriage, though honorable, can only go so far as not to defile the one living in it.

Marriage by itself cannot also impart holiness. This is not the work of its power, but of virginity.

Moses and Paul were not the only ones to proclaim this. Listen to what Joel says: "Sanctify a fast and proclaim a solemn assembly. Gather the people, sanctify the congregation, assemble the elders" (Joel 2:15-16).

But perhaps you want to know where he counseled abstinence from one's wife. "Let the bridegroom go out from his chamber," he says, "and the bride from her bridal room" (Joel 2:16).

This is even greater than Moses' command. If a bridegroom and bride, whose passions are boiling, youth is flourishing, and desire is hard to restrain, should not have relations during fasting and prayer, how much more those for whom there is no such necessity?

The one who prays and fasts as he should must renounce every worldly desire, every care and distraction. He must be wholly gathered into himself in every respect, and in such a state approach God.

Fasting is good because it removes the cares of the soul. It stops the drowsiness that weighs down the mind, and turns all thoughts back to the soul itself.

Paul hints at this when he turns them away from intercourse, and he uses a very precise expression. He did not say, "so that you may not be defiled," but, "that you may devote yourselves to fasting and prayer."

For relations with a wife lead not to impurity, but to lack of devotion in these things.

If now, after such precaution, the devil tries to hinder us during prayer, what will he not do when he catches the soul relaxed and softened by attachment to one's wife, scattering the eyes of the mind here and there?

So that we may not suffer this and approach God with vain prayer, especially when we are trying to incline Him to mercy toward us, the apostle commands us then to withdraw from the marital bed.

Those who come to kings, or rather, not only to kings but even to lesser rulers, and slaves who take refuge with masters, whether wronged by others, needing some benefit, or hastening to appease anger aroused against them, begin their explanation with their eyes and all their thoughts fixed on those persons.

At the slightest distraction, they not only fail to obtain what they want, but depart after receiving some unpleasantness.

If those who wish to calm human anger act with such care, what will happen to us, wretched as we are, if we approach the Master of all, God, carelessly, while subject to His far greater anger?

No servant provokes his master, and no subject provokes his king, as we daily provoke God. Explaining this, Christ called sins against one's neighbor denarii, but sins against God "ten thousand talents" (Mt 18:23-24).

Therefore, when in prayer we take refuge in Him, intending to quiet such anger and propitiate Him whom we provoke every day, the apostle rightly turns us away from the pleasure mentioned.

It is as though he said: "Beloved, our concern is the soul. Extreme danger stands before us. We must tremble, fear, and be crushed.

We approach the dread Master, whom we have often offended, who has great accusations against us for great sins.

Now is not the time for embraces or pleasures, but for tears and bitter groans, kneeling, careful confession, diligent contrition, and many prayers."

Blessed is the one who, approaching and falling down before God with such zeal, softens His anger. This is not because our Lord is harsh and unbending. On the contrary, He is very meek and loves mankind.

But the excess of our sins does not allow even Him who is good, meek, and rich in mercy to forgive us quickly. Therefore the apostle says, "that you may devote yourselves to fasting and prayer."

What could be more grievous than that slavery? I would like to advance in virtue, ascend to heaven, and by constant practice in fasting and prayer wash away the impurity of the soul.

Yet if my wife does not wish to incline to this intention of mine, I am compelled to submit slavishly to her lack of restraint.

Therefore he first said, "It is good for a man not to touch a woman." Therefore the disciples also said to the Lord, "If such is the case of a man with his wife, it is better not to marry" (Mt 19:10).

Having reasoned that in marriage both sides necessarily suffer constraint, they were forced by these thoughts and uttered such a saying.

Indeed, if the Apostle considered marital cohabitation an obstacle to ordinary daily prayer, how could he have said elsewhere, "Pray without ceasing" (1 Thess 5:17)?

Therefore, he says, abstain from one another so that your prayer may be more fervent. Intercourse does not defile, but it hinders pious occupation.

"And then come together again, so that Satan may not tempt you because of your lack of continence." I say, the Apostle reasons, that you should come together again.

Yet I do not make this a law, but prescribe it so that Satan may not tempt you, that is, by urging you toward fornication.

Since the devil is not by himself the cause of fornication, but chiefly our lack of continence is, the Apostle added: "because of your lack of continence." In it lies the reason why the devil tempts us.

There is nothing extraordinary or difficult for married believers in doing for a few days what holy widows have undertaken until the end of their days, and what holy virgins do throughout life.

Let devotion shine in them all, and let pride be humbled.

He also speaks in the same sense, because in the same Spirit, saying that the marital duty hinders prayers.

By saying "likewise," he urges husbands to imitation, because he had already commanded wives above, saying:

"That they may see your chaste conduct. Let your adornment not be outward braiding of hair, wearing of gold, or beauty of garments, but the hidden man of the heart, in the incorruptibility of a meek and quiet spirit, which is very precious before God" (1 Pet 3:2-4).

Do you see what kind of life together he commands between husbands and wives? That they should live according to knowledge, should know what God wills and desires, and should give honor to the female vessel.

If we restrain ourselves from intercourse, then we give honor to wives. Obviously, on the contrary, we dishonor them if we do not restrain ourselves.

And to wives he says: let husbands see your chaste life and the adornment of the hidden man of the heart, in the incorruptibility of a meek and quiet spirit.

O word truly worthy of the Apostle and rock of Christ. He gives the law to husbands and wives, and, having condemned the adornment of the flesh, preaches chastity and the adornment of the inner man in the incorruptible beauty of a meek and quiet spirit.

It is as though he says: since your outward man has been subjected to corruption, and you have ceased to possess the blessedness of incorruption that belongs properly to virgins, imitate incorruption of spirit at least by strict continence.

Preserve in the mind what you cannot keep in the body. For Christ requires these riches and these adornments of your union.

And lest someone, on the basis of the later words, "that you may devote yourselves to prayer and come together again," think that the Apostle desires this, and does not merely permit it because of a greater fall, he immediately adds:

"So that Satan may not tempt you because of your lack of continence." Truly this is an attractive concession: "and come together again."

After the fast he permits relations and expresses this with the words: "and come together again." Explaining that he lays down this law with another aim in view, he added: "So that Satan may not tempt you."

Showing that we ourselves increase his dominion over us, he added: "because of your lack of continence." Since you live carelessly and willingly become enslaved to pleasures, this gives the devil occasion to wage war against you.

That the Apostle measures his laws according to human weakness he makes clear in the words that follow.

Or, as Saint Chrysostom interprets, he means "prayer performed with special care. For if he forbade those who come together to pray, how could the commandment of unceasing prayer be fulfilled?" (1 Thess 5:17).

"And then come together again, so that Satan may not tempt you because of your lack of continence." Thus, if there is no danger for spouses in continuing abstinence, let them continue.

"It is evident that the Apostle would have wished abstinence to be kept as though it were a law. He would have them come together only in concession to extreme necessity.

This necessity is determined not by desires, but by nature, and not even by nature, but by prudence" (Bishop Theophan).

That this is indeed the Apostle's thought is clear from his further words, which are like a limiting reservation concerning the union of spouses after temporary separation (1 Cor 7:6-7).

Concerning the Apostle's words, "Do not deprive one another," he remarks: "The wife must not abstain against the will of the husband, and the husband must not abstain against the will of the wife.

Concord must be preferred to everything. It is most important."

But since the Apostle commands abstinence during fasting, for zeal in prayer, and commands an end to abstinence to prevent evil temptation from the devil, Venerable Theophan says:

"If there is no danger, abstinence may be continued. It is evident that the Apostle would have wished abstinence to be kept as though it were a law.

He would have them come together only in concession to extreme necessity, which is determined not by desires, but by nature, and not even by nature, but by prudence."

All these are matters of such hidden relations that there are not, and cannot be, particular definite laws for them.

But since the Corinthians were infants in faith and in Christian life, the Apostle gives them fatherly and wise counsels. Yet he warns that they should be used not as universal divine laws, equally binding on all, but as counsels in accord with the chief Christian commandments.

Many wives do this, violating justice, thereby giving their husbands occasion for dissipation and bringing everything into disorder.

Concord must be preferred to everything. It is most important. If you wish, let us prove this from experience.

Let the wife, of two spouses, abstain while the husband does not wish it. What will happen? Will he not then give himself to adultery?

Or, if he does not commit adultery, will he not grieve, be troubled, irritated, angry, and cause his wife many unpleasant things? What benefit is there from fasting and abstinence when love is violated? None.

How many griefs must arise from this, how many troubles, how many quarrels. If husband and wife in a house are not in agreement, their house is no better than a ship storm-tossed by waves, where the pilot is not in agreement with the helmsman.

Therefore the Apostle says: 'Do not deprive one another, except by consent for a time, that you may devote yourselves to fasting and prayer.'

Here he means prayer performed with special care. For if he forbade those who come together to pray, how could the commandment of unceasing prayer be fulfilled?

Therefore one may both come together with one's wife and pray, but with abstinence prayer becomes more perfect.

He did not simply say, 'that you may pray,' but, 'that you may devote yourselves to prayer,' because marital relations only distract from this, and do not produce defilement.

'And come together again, so that Satan may not tempt you.' Lest they think that this is a law, he adds the reason. What reason? 'So that Satan may not tempt you.'

And so they may know that the devil is not the only cause of adultery, he adds: 'because of your lack of continence'" (Chrysostom).

He commands abstinence during fasting for more zealous prayer. This may apply to all Church fasts, and especially to preparation for Communion.

He counsels ending abstinence, "lest Satan tempt you." Therefore, if there is no danger, abstinence may be continued.

It is evident that the Apostle would have wished abstinence to be kept as though it were a law. He would have them come together only in concession to extreme necessity, determined not by desires, but by nature, and not even by nature, but by prudence.