Matthew 19:11Meaning & Commentary from the Church Fathers

If you have exhausted all the capacity of love before God, if your affections do not dwell on two opposing loves—the transient and the eternal, the visible and the invisible—are you so deeply pierced by the chosen arrow of love that you can declare in the words of the beloved, “Thou art sweetness, and Whole desire” (Song 5:16)? Observe how leaden pipes hold back rushing streams, often leading them to lose their natural essence; when pressured and drawn together, they surge up instead of spilling out. Likewise, if you focus your love and fully unite yourself with Christ, you will ascend rather than stumble and spill over. You will belong wholly to Christ until you finally behold Christ, your bridegroom. Maintain your purity in speech, action, life, thoughts, and the inclinations of your heart. The enemy tests you from every side, seeking the slightest opening to inflict harm. The more he perceives purity in you, the more he aims to tarnish it; for blemishes are more conspicuous on a clean garment. Do not allow your gaze to be drawn to temptation, to idle chatter, to fleeting nighttime gatherings, or to destruction! For that which is gradually taken and stealthily stolen, while it may seem harmless at the time, ultimately leads to complete ruin.

When it is stated that “not all can accept this teaching,” do not fall into heresy by ascribing differing natures—earthly, spiritual, or intermediary—to people. Some hold erroneous views, believing certain individuals are predestined for complete destruction while others are ordained for salvation, and that some merely dwell in a state where their free will leads them either to wickedness or virtue. While one may have more or less capacity than another, mere ability is not adequate for reaching perfection; the mind must truly engage that ability, activating nature much like pyrite transforms into iron when struck by steel. When you hear “to whom it is given,” understand that it is granted to those who are called and prepared, for we are reminded that it is “not of him who wills, nor of him who strives, but of God who shows mercy” (Rom. 9:16). This verse speaks to the need for divine grace in our pursuits of goodness. There are those who, in their pride, believe their accomplishments are solely their own, neglecting to recognize the Creator who grants them the capacity to achieve—this Word teaches that God’s assistance is essential even for the most fundamental choices. Salvation is not simply reliant on our actions but also on divine will. Thus, it states that it is “not of him who wills” alone, nor of one who only strives, but also of God who grants mercy. Since the inclination to will itself originates from God, it is fitting that we attribute all accomplishments to Him. Whether you walk or labor, you perpetually depend on the Divine Giver of the crown.

If the Lord does not construct the house, laborers toil in vain; if the Lord does not guard the city, its sentinels watch in vain (Psalm 126:1). The truth is that it is not the swift who secure victory, nor the strong who prevail in battle, nor skilled fighters who triumph; it is God who orchestrates victory and brings the vessel safely to port. There may be connections between these messages, and what comes to mind regarding our reflections should be shared to enrich you. The mother of the sons of Zebedee approached Jesus, motivated purely by maternal love, unaware of the weight of her request, exemplifying the tenderness expected of a mother. Consequently, I emphasize the honor due to mothers. So she asked Christ that one of her sons might sit at His right and the other at His left. How does the Savior respond? First, He inquires if they are capable of drinking from the cup He is to drink. Upon their agreement, He does not dispute this (understanding that the same cup would lead them toward maturity). What follows? He assures them that the cup will indeed be drunk, but as to sitting at His right hand and left—“that is not mine to grant” (Matt. 20:23), but to those for whom it has been prepared. Does this imply that striving, effort, prayer, fasting, or mere endurance have no significance? Are these practices deemed worthless? Yet consider how some are sanctified even in the womb, as Jeremiah was, while others are set apart before their birth. It would be foolish and inconsistent with Church teaching to suggest that souls exist in another realm prior to inhabiting their earthly bodies, allowing some to receive prophetic gifts while others face condemnation due to that earlier existence. Such ideas, though appealing to some, do not align with our faith, which requires a firm understanding that when speaking of “to whom it is given,” we must recognize it is granted to the worthy, noting that true worthiness arises not just from the Father’s gifts but also from our own actions and choices.

If individuals who falter in the conflict do not cause distress to others, suggesting that this is simply their circumstance, they are presenting an argument that relates to personal experience rather than the broader challenge at hand. We ought to regard this as a reflection of the negligence of those who fail, rather than as a commentary on the trials of maintaining virginity. He does say, "but to whom it is given." In this, He does not suggest that it is granted to some while being withheld from others. Instead, Jesus illustrates that without the support of divine grace, we will lack sufficient strength. Since grace is available to all who seek it, the Lord teaches in the Sermon on the Mount: "Ask, and it will be given to you; seek, and you will find; knock, and it will be opened to you; for everyone who asks receives, and he who seeks finds, and to him who knocks it will be opened" (Matthew 7:7-8). Therefore, a willing heart must come first, and grace will follow. For grace cannot act without willingness, yet the will cannot prevail without grace. Consider how the earth yields nothing until the rain nourishes it, just as the rain cannot produce fruit without the earth.

Remarkably, He characterizes virginity as a lofty endeavor, while it may seem straightforward to the disciples. St. Chrysostom explains that "it was necessary for Him to call it great in order to make them more diligent, and they were to take what was said as easy in order that they might thereby prefer virginity and chastity." Given the challenge of addressing virginity directly, as it may have appeared daunting to them, He stirred in them a longing for virginity by highlighting the unchanging nature of the marriage law. The virtue of virginity is a path taken by a select few.

In the context of marriage, physical intimacy is reserved solely for one’s spouse, while in the context of celibacy, complete abstinence from sexual desire is essential. The challenge of fulfilling marital obligations can be significant for many, but the call to abstain is equally demanding. This is reflected in Apostle Paul’s letter to the Corinthians, where he noted, “It is good for a man not to touch a woman. But for the avoidance of fornication, let each man have his own wife, and let each woman have her own husband (1 Cor. 7:1-2).” Jesus did not mandate either marriage or a life of virginity but expressed a preference for the latter. This conclusion arises when we interpret His words as conveying that while you assert that given the commitments to a wife it may be better not to marry, I affirm that remaining unmarried could be preferable. Nevertheless, since many struggle to abstain from sexual relations with women, they are permitted to marry without sinning; those capable of maintaining lifelong virginity, however, are encouraged to do so.

However, if this choice relies on individual will, why did He state, "to whom it is given"? This serves to highlight the magnitude of the challenge and to assure that it is not meant to be viewed as obligatory for all. It is granted to those who desire it. His words illustrate the substantial need for divine assistance for anyone undertaking such a commitment—support that will certainly be provided to those who earnestly seek it. Indeed, it is important to understand that the ability to live a celibate lifestyle is not merely an option; it comes as a divine gift to certain individuals, contingent upon their willingness and aspiration, thus making it a remarkable undertaking on their part.

Not every individual who practices celibacy does so as a remarkable feat. Some may lead this lifestyle involuntarily, and in such cases, it is not regarded as an accomplishment or merit.