Ephesians 5:22Meaning & Commentary from the Church Fathers

Indeed, there can be no closeness of a man with a man like that of a wife with a husband, provided he has been lawfully joined to her. Therefore one blessed man, expressing exceeding love and lamenting one dearly loved and devoted to him, takes as his example not the love of father or mother, child or brother, or friend. Whose love does he take? "Your love to me," he said, "was like the love of women" (2 Kgs 1:26).

Truly, this love is more compelling than any tyranny. Other passions are strong, but this passion has a power that never grows weak. In our very nature there is a certain passionate attraction, incomprehensible to us, which unites these bodies, husband and wife.

Thus in the beginning woman came from man. Afterward, from woman and man come both man and woman. Do you see the union and oneness? Why did God not permit some other essence from outside to come in here?

And see how He arranged it. He allowed man to have as wife a sister, and even more, not only a sister, but a daughter. Not only a daughter, but something closer than a daughter: his own flesh.

All this He arranged from the beginning, uniting them into one, as though upon a stone foundation. He did not create the woman from outside, so that the man would not regard her as a stranger. On the other hand, He did not limit marital life only to her, lest man, constraining and forcing himself, become completely separated from others.

Among plants, those are especially beautiful that have one trunk branching into many boughs. But those whose branches spread irregularly, each growing from its own root, do not appear beautiful. So here also, God caused the whole human race to grow from one Adam. By this He placed it in complete impossibility of disunion or division.

Then, for still greater unity, He forbade marriage with sisters and daughters. In this way we would not concentrate all our love on one family and so separate ourselves from others. Therefore Christ also said: "He who made them at the beginning made them male and female" (Mt 19:4).

Much evil comes from this, and much good also, both for households and for societies. Nothing strengthens our life so much as the love of husband and wife. For its sake many take up arms, and others do not spare even their life.

Therefore Paul did not show great concern for this matter simply or in vain when he said: "Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord." Why? Because if they are of one mind, their children also are raised well. Servants are ordered well, and neighbors, friends, and relatives are as though planted with their fragrance.

But where the opposite occurs, there is disorder and confusion in everything. If commanders are at peace with one another, everything proceeds as it should. But if strife arises between them, there is no order there. So it is here also.

Therefore he says: "Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord." Alas! But how is it said elsewhere that if one does not leave wife or husband, he cannot follow Me (Lk 14:26; Mt 10:36-37)?

If a wife must submit to her husband as to the Lord, how is it said that she must leave him for the Lord's sake? Indeed, she must. Yet the word "as" does not everywhere mean perfect equality.

Either the Apostle means this: submit "as" those who know that you serve the Lord. Elsewhere he says that they must submit, if not for the husband's sake, then especially for the "Lord's" sake (Col 3:18).

Or this is the meaning: if you submit to your husband, think that you submit as one serving the Lord. If one who resists even external public authorities resists "the ordinance of God" (Rom 13:2), then much more does the wife who does not submit to her husband. God required this from the beginning.

Serve, then, as to the Lord. But how is it written elsewhere, “If anyone does not separate from wife, and wife from husband, he cannot follow Me” (Lk 14:26)?

If one must serve as to the Lord, how does He say that one must separate for the Lord’s sake? Because the word “as” does not everywhere signify complete equality.

Or else: be subject, knowing that you serve God. That is, if not precisely for the husband’s sake, then at least for the Lord’s sake.

For if one who resists higher authority resists the Lord’s command, much more does she who resists her husband. Conversely, she who obeys her husband obeys the Lord.

Thus it follows in general that wives also must be subject to their own husbands as to the Lord. This is clearer in Greek than in Latin.

Therefore, as the Church is subject to Christ, so the wife must be subject to her husband. As Christ has primacy and ministry in the Church, so also husband and wife submit to the same order.

But one must see that, as the union in Christ and the Church is holy, so also the union in husband and wife is holy.

Yet not every heretical assembly can be called the Church of Christ and have Christ as its Head. Likewise, not every marital union, formed without subjection to one’s husband according to Christ’s commandments, can rightly be called marriage. Rather, it is adultery.

But in another way the wife is subject to the husband as to a master, because her desire is for him, and he shall rule over her (Gen 3:16). Sarah also called Abraham lord (Gen 18).

The more this voluntary service is governed by the will, the more proportionately it will come to mutual equality. Moreover, through pleasing him, it brings the one who rules into servitude.

Some, by inference, interpret this passage as saying that the wife means the body, and the husband the soul.

As the Church is subject to Christ, so bodies must be subject to the mind and governed by one spirit, if they are joined to the Lord. For “he who is joined to the Lord is one spirit” (1 Cor 6:17).

“He is the Savior of the body.” Since the nature of the Church is nearer to Christ’s essence, yet lower than He, it seems to me that she is therefore called the body of Christ.

Jesus Christ is called the Savior of this body, that is, the Word, Wisdom, and the other virtues by which the Son of God is understood.

Search with greater care, if only you can find in the sacred scrolls the use of the name “flesh” to denote the Church. Indeed, the Church is nowhere called flesh, but the body of Christ.

It is then evident that all flesh is necessarily also body, but not conversely. Where there is body, there is not always flesh.

This neither excludes nor diminishes woman’s rights to participation in the Kingdom of God and in the gifts of grace. Nor does it diminish her other dignities and qualities.

It only shows that in family life the wife must be in subjection to her husband. The Apostle defines the degree of this subjection in the words, “as to the Lord.”

He established precisely these marital relations, and no others. In the union of marriage He assigned the wife the second place after the husband.

How should the husband’s headship in Christian marriage be understood? Only as primacy, which is inevitable in every union and society consisting of several persons.

It is not domination, nor superiority in rights that weighs upon those subject to it.

The husband is the natural head, or first member, in the marital union because the chief burden of marital duties rests upon him. The wife cannot bear these, given the relative tenderness of her nature and the weakness of her physical powers.

The holy Apostle Paul makes very clear the idea of such caring and loving headship in the man.

Being the Head of the body, His Church, what else is Christ for it? He is also the Savior of this body. So too the husband is head of the wife because he is bound to be her caretaker.

Therefore it would be not only groundless, but plainly imprudent, for her to seek equality with her husband. In that case, unbearable burdens of life would fall equally upon her shoulders together with his.

Thus, in the apostolic words about the husband’s headship over the wife, one hears no diminution of woman’s rights. On the contrary, one hears their safeguarding and defense. For men, one hears the instruction of the duties that flow from their headship.

Husbands must love their wives (Eph 5:25), first, with fidelity, “as Christ also loved the Church and gave Himself for her.”

According to the explanation of Bishop Theophan, “not to have one’s own will is the root law in mutual Christian relations. How to fulfill this commandment is the matter of Christian wisdom. Yet it is beyond doubt that he who sacrifices himself and his own for others never loses, if he does all this in the fear of God.”

Then, applying this principle of Christian life first of all to the wife, St. John Chrysostom says: “The Apostle began with wives either because ‘be subject’ applies more directly to them, or perhaps to show the wife’s high significance in family life. For when she is in good order, everything in the house is in order. In Christianity, the wife’s obedience takes on a special character, since it flows from the fear of God and is ranked with works pleasing to God, done directly for the Lord Himself.”

St. John Chrysostom says: “If one who resists even external civil authorities resists God’s command (Rom 13:2), much more does she who does not obey her husband. God has required this from the beginning.”

“The Apostle set before husband and wife, as the foundation of their happiness, love and care. He assigned to each what is fitting: to the one, authority and care; to the other, obedience.”

Theophylact writes: “As Christ, being Head of the Church, provides for her and saves her, so the husband is the savior of the wife, his own body. How then should this body not obey the head?”

Although Christ is the Savior of the body, that is, of the Church, which a husband can never be in relation to his wife, nevertheless (Άλλ) the wife must obey her husband in all respects, as the Church obeys Christ.

The force of the Apostle’s words does not lie in pointing out the duty of obedience, for that was already practiced everywhere. It lies in showing the spirit in which this obedience must be offered: “be subject, as to the Lord.”

In Christianity, the wife’s obedience to her husband takes on a higher character. It flows from the fear of God and is ranked with works pleasing to God, done directly for the Lord Himself.

She obeys her husband with the assurance that the Lord accepts such obedience as though it were offered directly to Him. Or she obeys him not as the stronger one who rules by the order of nature, but as the Lord’s representative.

St. Chrysostom says: “When the Apostle says, ‘be subject, as to the Lord,’ he means either this: knowing that you serve the Lord. In another place he says that they should obey, if not for their husbands’ sake, then especially for the Lord’s sake (Col 3:18). Or else he means: if you obey your husband, consider that you obey as one serving the Lord. For if one who resists even external public authorities resists God’s command (Rom 13:2), much more does she who does not obey her husband. God has required this from the beginning.”