Matthew 19:10Meaning & Commentary from the Church Fathers

What occurred in that context mirrors what transpired in this one. As there, following the humiliation of the Jews, the disciples were disturbed and approached Him with Peter, asking Him to explain this parable (Matt. 13:36). Likewise, they expressed their distress here, wondering if such is the transgression of humanity, then perhaps it is preferable not to marry (v. 10). However, they now grasped the meaning of His words more fully than before. Initially, they fell silent, but now, with their objections addressed, their questions resolved, and the law clarified, they felt compelled to inquire further. They hesitated to openly disagree, instead implying what they perceived as significant and challenging in His statements.

The disciples expressed their perplexity, stating that if a husband and wife are pledged to remain single for life, so that the husband does not cast aside his wife, even if she is unrighteous, it may be preferable to forgo marriage altogether. They reasoned that it is simpler to remain single and contend with natural desires than to endure an unfaithful spouse. Christ refers to this union as 'the obligation of man' to maintain an unbreakable marital bond. However, some scholars interpret this to suggest that if the man is at fault—particularly if he unjustly abandons his wife—he faces rebuke and condemnation, making it more advisable not to enter into marriage.

What can be said about the Pharisees? Their name carries a harsh connotation, as all that is virtuous has been, and continues to be, scorned by them, both then and now. A Pharisee is defined not solely by their heritage, but also by their manner of living; I view anyone who willingly elevates themselves to their level as akin to the Assyrian or the Egyptian. What do the Pharisees proclaim? They assert, “If this is the duty of a man to his wife, it is better not to marry” (v. 10). Do you comprehend now, O Pharisee, that it may indeed be preferable not to enter into matrimony?

Wives can be a significant source of difficulty if they cannot be freed from their unions except for reasons of infidelity. What, then, are we to do if a wife is intoxicated, irritable, ill-tempered, greedy, lazy, capricious, restless, quarrelsome, or unpleasant? Should we continue to bear such a spouse? Regardless of our feelings, we have entered into this bond willingly and find ourselves in this state of servitude. Consequently, the disciples, recognizing the burdensome nature of the marital commitment, express their inner thoughts and remark that if this is the responsibility a man has toward his wife, it would be better not to marry.

They recognized more clearly than before the gravity of this commandment as a challenging obligation to uphold. The thought of enduring a sinful and detestable spouse felt too burdensome, especially without the ability to separate from one who was more relentless than a creature. Hence, He states: if this is the expectation of a man towards his wife—that is, if the nature of marriage allows for no divorce except in the case of infidelity—then it may be wiser for a man not to take a wife. How can he endure the other faults of an unprincipled wife? This saying can be interpreted in another manner: if such is the requirement that Thou hast established for a man concerning his wife—that adultery is the sole reason that can divide them—then entering into marriage seems futile.

Consequently, the disciples pose the question to Him: ‘If a man and a woman come together for the purpose of becoming one,’ as St. Chrysostom states, ‘and if the husband feels compelled to such an extent that departing from his wife places him in conflict with divine Law, then it is more challenging to resist the natural order and his own desires. IF THIS IS THE RESPONSIBILITY OF A HUSBAND TOWARDS HIS WIFE, IT MAY BE WISER NOT TO ENTER INTO MARRIAGE, for it is indeed distressing to be bound to a wayward spouse and to endure a relentless creature for all time.’

It is important to articulate Christ's perspective on celibacy: He categorically dismissed the Jewish practice of allowing men to dismiss wives at will, who had fallen out of favor; instead, He affirmed the permanence of marriage and permitted the annulment of marriages only in cases of infidelity. This teaching on marital commitment was challenging for Jesus' disciples to embrace, leading them to candidly remark, “If this is the obligation of man to his wife, it is better not to marry.” These disciples were likely not among the apostles; they had not yet fully absorbed the essence of Christ's teachings and viewed the wife not as a partner, but rather as a subordinate, bound to fulfill the desires of her husband.

According to the disciples of Christ, it is preferable to remain single than to be unable to divorce a wife, even if she is unpleasant and contentious.

If this is indeed the obligation, then when a husband and wife are joined with the intent of becoming one, the husband is so bound that if he were to depart from his wife, he would be acting contrary to the divine law. It is often a greater struggle to contend with the nature of things and with oneself than to endure a wicked spouse. The prospect of living with a wife imbued with malevolence, akin to enduring a fierce beast, is understandably distressing. The disciples maintained traditional Jewish views on this matter, considering it a significant benefit for a man to have the right to dismiss a spouse of ill character, regarding it as a misfortune to be compelled to live with such a partner. Thus, they conclude that if these are the stipulations of marriage as taught by Jesus Christ, it would be preferable for a man not to enter into marriage at all.

The permanence of marriage, except in instances of infidelity, appeared to the disciples, who had not yet completely released themselves from Jewish traditions, to be a heavy requirement. They believed it would be preferable to abstain from marriage entirely rather than commit for a lifetime to a sinful partner. If such is the transgression of a man with a spouse, then it is wiser to remain unmarried.