Yet, in our present state, we have willingly embraced change, forsaking the innate firmness of our condition, and consequently, we have distanced ourselves from the love of our Maker.
Despite abandoning divine affection—the true stronghold of our being—we cannot sustain ourselves for long; as we navigate this precarious state of change, we are plagued by internal strife. Without the protection of our original integrity, we find ourselves swayed by the shifting currents of desire, perpetually caught between the quest for action during times of rest and yearning for stillness amid activity. The steadfast mind, which should have remained resolute, now struggles and falters, having lost the vision of its Creator and thus its vitality. Wherever it finds itself, it yearns for another position, driven by discomfort. Hence, to illustrate the instability of the human psyche, one may cry out, When I lie down, I inquire, ‘when will I rise?’ and I wait for evening. This suggests that the mind is never satisfied; it yearns for the presence of Him who alone could fulfill its desire.
In my state of sleep, I long for dawn, and upon waking, I anticipate the evening—both in periods of rest and action, I find myself oscillating between the two. The term 'sleep' can also denote a state of sin. If 'sleep' did not imply sin, Paul would not have admonished his followers to awaken to righteousness, and sin not, 1 Cor. 15:34. Furthermore, he calls out, Awake, you who sleep, and arise from the dead, and Christ will shine upon you, Eph. 5:14, and it is time for us to rouse from our slumber, Rom. 13:11. Solomon likewise reprimands the slothful saying, How long will you lie down, O lazy one? Proverbs 6:9. Each of the elect, when burdened by sin’s slumber, strives to rise and embrace the time of righteousness. Yet often, after rising, they become prideful about their virtuous achievements. Thus, to mitigate the dangers of pride, it is essential that we encounter the tribulations of this life, lest we be tempted to fall from our own accomplishments. The Psalmist recognizes that trials sustain our integrity, as he pleas for God: Test me, O Lord, and try me, Psalms 25:2.
So when one states, When I lie down, I ask, ‘When will I rise?’ and I again wait for evening, this echoes the sentiment that even within sin's slumber, we long for the light of truth. When uplifted by success, we require adversity to maintain balance, so that when our spirits soar too high in exuberance, sorrows counteract our pride through the trials of this present life. Hence, we do not dread the coming of evening; instead, we wait expectantly. The righteous embrace the evening, for it is in facing adversity that they find favor.
The term 'evening' may also reflect the allure of sin, which often confronts us with greater intensity when we find ourselves elevated by virtue. Throughout our lives, we rarely escape sin entirely—even while striving for righteousness—because, though righteousness may drive sin from our hearts, remnants still linger at the threshold, seeking entry into our thoughts. Moses communicated this truth spiritually by recounting the creation of day, noting, And the light was good, followed by, And it was evening, Gen. 1:3-5. The Creator ensured there was a means for addressing humanity's sins and articulated in the temporal realm what unfolds in human consciousness. Evening follows light, as shadows of temptation linger near the illumination of truth.
While the integrity of the elect’s light cannot extinguish temptation, it is significant that ‘night’ is not noted, but rather ‘evening.’ It is during moments of adversity that temptations may cloud the illumination within the righteous, dimming it but never extinguishing it altogether. Consequently, the elect, once awakened from sin into the light of righteousness, continue to brace themselves for the challenges of temptation, embracing them, aware that trials serve to enhance their righteousness.
Regardless of the level of virtue achieved against corruption, full health remains elusive until our earthly days conclude. Thus, he adds, I am filled with pain to the point of darkness. At one moment, afflictions beset them, while at another, the very successes can seduce with false joy; sometimes, negative impulses provoke fleshly warfare, while at others, aspirations for greatness breed pride. Hence, the existence of the righteous is fraught with suffering up to the darkness, as the duration of corruption subjects them to both internal and external tribulations; certainty in their well-being only comes when they transcend the day of temptation for the sake of goodness.
This source of pain is highlighted when it is stated, My body is clothed with worms and dust. Humanity has voluntarily relinquished its inner stability, plunging into the depths of decay, hence experiencing a fall into either unclean acts or sullied thoughts. By yielding to our sins, we turn our very essence away from natural righteousness, and even if one refrains from wicked deeds, the weight of evil imaginations still clouds their heart. Thus, through sinful actions, ‘corruption’ taints our flesh, while even harmful thoughts billow dust before our eyes. In succumbing to sinful ways, we may purge ourselves of outward corruption, yet the heart’s struggle with wrongful intentions renders us tainted.
If we regard this as voiced by the Holy Universal Church, we see her sometimes brought low by the ‘corruption’ of the flesh, and at other times by the ‘filth of dust.’ Many within her grasp have become entangled in desires for fleshly satisfaction, languishing in excess. Some strive to abstain from carnal pleasure yet remain tethered to worldly pursuits. Therefore, let the Holy Church proclaim through one of her members, My body is clothed with decay and clods of dust. She might express, Many who share in my faith are not pure in either their thoughts or their actions, for by yielding to unholy desires, they succumb to the decay of corruption, or in striving for earthly pursuits, they become enveloped in dust. For within those who must bear the weight of corruption, I lament for the flesh that is subject to decay; within those who seek worldly gains, what can I do but carry their dust?
Consequently, he rightly observes, my skin is dried and wrinkled. In the body of the Church, those exclusively devoted to transient troubles correctly represent ‘skin,’ which, when parched, shrinks due to the souls of the carnal, preoccupied with the immediate, lacking the aspiration for the eternal and noble. Failing to acknowledge the treasures of inner hope, they wither away; if despair had not tethered their hearts, they would not have been shrunk by petty desires. The Psalmist echoed this fear of withering when he requested, Let my soul be nourished in substance and fullness, Psalms 63:5. The soul thrives when rejuvenated by the infusion of heavenly hope against earthly temptations. The ‘skin’ becomes dry and shriveled when the heart focuses solely on external concerns, thus withering in hopelessness, failing to extend its love towards the Creator, remaining bound within itself with crumpled thoughts.
Yet, it is crucial to acknowledge that carnal minds delight only in fleeting pleasures, oblivious to the brevity of earthly life. Were they to truly grasp how swiftly time passes, they would not cling to it, even during its most joyful moments. However, the Holy Church, in her chosen members, maintains a constant awareness of the transience of worldly things, prompting her to pursue weighty inner purposes. Thus, this connection is made clear:
THEOSIS